Nick Swardson - Harassed While Jogging

Nick Swardson: Taste It Season 1, Ep 101 05/30/2015 Views: 6,565

While Nick Swardson feels bad for his female friend who got catcalled while jogging, he knows that it could have been much worse. (2:05)

Watch Full Episode

I was hanging out withthis chick the other day,

and she went out--it waslike Thursday at, like, 4:00.

So she goes to happy hour withher friends, her girlfriends.

I go, "Are you gonnaget shitfaced?"

She goes, "No."

Cut to 3:00 in the morning,she comes home,

full homeless...[crying]

I go, "What happened?

I thought you weren't gonnaget drunk."

She goes,"I didn't plan on it."

I'm like, "What happened?"She goes, "I showed up.

"I met my girlfriends.I was like...

'You guys, no shots.

"Let's just have cocktails,no shots.'

"And then the waiter--bartenderbrought over a tray of shots

"that he made for us,

"and I felt badbecause he made them for us.

So I felt bad."

I'm like,"He made you a shot.

"The bartender.That's not hard.

"It's not impressive.

"He didn'tweave you a gown

"or something awesomethat would be cool.

He wasn't like, "Look at howbeautiful these women are.

"I'm going to weave themthe most elegant gown

"they've ever seen!

"Their beauty transcendsany pain I have in my hands.

"They are so lovely!This is almost impossible,

"but I don't care!I will do this for them.

Here...I made this for you."

No. He's a bartender.

He was like,"Whoa, look at these whores."

[cheers and applause]

♪ The whore train is pullingup to the whore station ♪

♪ Choo-choo-choo, whore

"Here you guys go.Five peanut butter burritos

"right there.Okay, cool.

"Hand job?Hand job? Okay, cool.

Later? Okay."