Robert Kelly - Real Love

  • Season 12 , Ep 22
  • 04/03/2008
  • Views: 17,317

Robert knew his girlfriend loved him when he accidentally crapped his pants. (1:59)

REAL LOVE ISN'T ROMANTIC.IT ISN'T HOW NICE HE TREATS YOU.

IT ISN'T HOW NICESHE TREATS YOU.

REAL LOVE IS WHENYOU ACCEPT EACH OTHER

FOR THE PIECES OF CRAPTHAT YOU REALLY ARE.

MY GIRL,WHEN I KNEW SHE LOVED ME,

THIS IS HOW I KNEW SHE LOVED--WASN'T ANYTHING ROMANTIC.

IT WASN'T ANYTHING CRAZY.IT WAS BASIC LIFE STUFF.

THIS IS WHEN I KNEWMY GIRL LOVED ME.

I WAS LYING ONTHE COUCH SNUGGLING.

I WAS IN MY TIGHTY WHITIESAND MY TUBE SOCKS.

SHE WAS BEHIND ME.IT WAS REALLY CUTE,

WE WERE WATCHING A MOVIE,AND I JUST WANTED TO CUT A FART,

JUST TO BE CUTEAND BLOW IT IN HER FACEAND BLAME IT ON A GHOST.

BUT I'M 36.I THINK THAT'S FUNNY AS HELL.

IF YOU DON'T, I HOPE YOU DIEREADING A BOOK IN A LIBRARY

'CAUSE THAT IS HILARIOUS.IT'S ONE OF THE FUNNIEST THINGS

I'VE EVER DONE.I LOVE DOING THAT.

THAT AND PICKING YOUR NOSEAND FEEDING IT TO A DOG,

TWO OF THE FUNNIEST THINGSI'VE EVER DONE IN MY LIFE.

HILARIOUS! 'CAUSE THEY DON'TEVEN KNOW IT'S A BOOGER.

THEY THINK IT'S A TREAT.THEY'LL SIT. GIVE PAWS.

STUPID ANIMALS.

SO, I'M LYING THERE.I JUST WANTED TO-- [Farts]--AND BLOW IT I HER FACE.

I ACCIDENTALLY CRAPPED MY PANTS.IT WAS BAD.

I HAD TIGHTY WHITIES.I FILLED IT UP LIKE A DIAPER,

JUST WHAP.AND SHE WAS BEHIND ME.

I ACTUALLY HEARD HER GO, "UGH."I WAS, LIKE, "OH, MY GOD."

I JUST [Farts]--"UGH." I WAS LIKE,

I THINK I JUST PUNCHED HERIN THE TUMMY WITH POOH.

I'M LIKE, THIS IS THE END OFMY RELATIONSHIP.

I'M NOT A 9 YEAR-OLD, I'M 36,

IT'S NOT NIGHTTIME;IT'S THE AFTERNOON.

I WASN'T EVEN SLEEPING.I WASN'T EVEN SICK.

I JUST WENT [Farts]-- "UGH."THAT'S ALL I HEARD.

SHE'S LEAVING ME AS I SPEAK.BUT SHE DIDN'T.

SHE LAUGHED FOR LIKE,20 MINUTES. SHE WAS LIKE

"DID YOU JUST CRAP YOUR PANTS?YOU IDIOT. HUH.

"OH, MY GOD. I GOTTA CALL MOM."MOM, HE JUST CRAPPED HIS PANTS.

"NO. HE'S TRYING TO FARTAND BLOW IT IN MY FACE,

AND THEN HE CRAPPED.HE'S A MORON."

THAT'S LOVE RIGHT THERE.THAT'S LOVE.

[CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

THAT'S ALL MY TIME!

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