ABOUT DYING, THOUGH.
I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE.
I'M NOT TRYING TO BE TOUGH
LIKE...
(DEEP VOICE) "I'M NOT AFRAID TO
DIE."
BUT I'M ACTUALLY LOOKING FORWARD
TO MY FUNERAL, WHICH SOUNDS KIND
OF WEIRD.
I JUST LIKE TO HAVE FUN,
YOU KNOW?
AND I'M GONNA HAVE FUN WITH MY
FUNERAL.
'CAUSE I THINK YOU SHOULD.
IT'S YOUR LAST PARTY ON EARTH.
I THINK YOU SHOULD, LIKE,
SPICE IT UP.
I HAVE A COUPLE OF THINGS I'M
GONNA DO.
THE FIRST THING I'M GONNA DO FOR
MY FUNERAL, I'M GONNA HAVE,
LIKE, A CHUNK OF MONEY AND SEND
IT OFF TO SOME RANDOM CELEBRITY
AND HAVE THEM SHOW UP AT MY
FUNERAL.
LIKE SAVE UP, LIKE, 5 GRAND JUST
FOR THIS.
HERE'S 5 GRAND.
MAIL IT OFF TO SOME CELEBRITY
LIKE-- LIKE JOHN STAMOS FROM
"FULL HOUSE."
(LAUGHTER)
JUST TOTALLY RANDOM.
UNCLE JESSIE.
DO YOU REMEMBER UNCLE JESSIE ON
"FULL HOUSE"?
HE'S LIKE, "HEY."
LIKE THE COOL GUY.
"HERE'S 5 GRAND.
ALL YOU HAVE TO DO TO KEEP THE
MONEY, JUST FLY TO MY FUNERAL
AND SHOW UP.
CRY AND LEAVE.
THAT'S IT.
THAT'S ALL YOU HAVE TO DO.
JUST SHOW UP, CRY.
THAT'S IT.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO TALK TO
ANYBODY OR ANYTHING."
I JUST THINK IT WOULD BE GREAT
TO SEE MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY AT
THE FUNERAL.
"OH, MY GOD.
I CAN'T BELIEVE HE'S DAD, MAN.
HE'S DEAD.
IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT, MAN.
IT'S JUST NOT RIGHT."
(LAUGHTER)
"HEY, IS THAT JOHN STAMOS?"
(LAUGHTER)
"WHAT IS HE DOING HERE?
DID NICK KNOW JOHN STAMOS?
OH, MY GOD.
HE'S REALLY CRYING.
WERE THEY BROTHERS?
WAS NICK'S LAST NAME STAMOS?"
AND THE OTHER THING I'M GONNA DO
AT MY FUNERAL IS I'M GONNA HAVE
A CLOSED CASKET, LIKE, IN THE
CHURCH.
AND IT'S GONNA BE CLOSED SO
PEOPLE WILL THINK THAT MY BODY
WILL BE IN THERE.
BUT IT WON'T BE.
(LAUGHTER)
MY BODY WILL COME DOWN ON WIRES.
(LAUGHTER)
IT'LL JUST COME DOWN.
JUST HANG DOWN.
AND IT'LL HIT THE LIGHTS OUT AND
HIT IT WITH THE STROBE LIGHT AND
THEN TECHNO MUSIC.
(IMITATING MUSIC)
JUST SWINGING OUT OVER MY
FAMILY.
I CAN JUST SEE MY MOM LIKE,
"WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
WHAT KIND OF STUFF WAS NICK
INVOLVED IN?
OH, MY GOD."