#HashtagWars - #GotFiredBecause

Tuesday, July 5, 2016 07/05/2016 Views: 274

Emily Fleming, John Ross Bowie and Jay Mandyam reveal the reasons behind their untimely job terminations. (2:08)

It's now timefor tonight's #HashtagWars.

(cheering, applause)

Now... we're a few weeksinto summer,

which meanswe're probably seeing

the first rounds of firingsfrom minimum wage summer jobs.

Uh, oh, sorry, you'rethe only one who didn't think

it was hilarious to put Doug'sused condom in the deep fryer.

I don't need this job,

'cause my Papa Roachcover band's gonna be huge!

Who's quittin' with me, huh?

Cooter? Big Carl?Medium Richard?

Blimpie? Herpes Jim?Lil' Petey?

Chankston? Dumpster?Garbage Phil?

No one? Just me?(bleep) y'all!

-(whooping, applause)-So...

Comedians, in honor of becomingspontaneously without work,

tonight's hashtag is#GotFiredBecause.

#GotFiredBecause.

Exam...

Aw. Examples might be:Bad at typing, good at jerking,

or: Took too much advicefrom Clippy.

Uh, I'm gonna put 60 secondson the clock starting now.

-Jay. -I tried to seducemy boss. I work for my dad.

-All right, points.-(laughter)

-Jay again.-I brought a cake on 9/11.

-All right, points.-(laughter)

-Emily. -Okay, so technically,I'm not a "nurse."

(laughter)

Points.

-Emily.-I'm Chelsea Handler.

-All right, points.-(laughter, shouts)

-John Ross Bowie. -Rabbididn't like my face tattoo.

All right, points. Weird.

-Jay. -I can type500 N-words a minute.

-All right, points.-(laughter)

Oh, oh, you're here for the jobof YouTube commenter.

Uh, Emily.

(woozily): I barfedin those teacups at Disneyland.

-(laughter)-All right, points. John.

Hospital very strict aboutits shirt-and-shoes policy.

-All right, points.-(laughter)

-John Ross Bowie.-Seriously misinterpreted

Take Your Daughter to Work Day.

-All right, points.-(gasps, groans)

(laughter)

-I'm apologizing. -There'sa lot of question marks.

There's a lot of question marks.

-Emily.-So you're not supposed

to make the Swarovski crystalanimals (bleep) each other?

-No, you're not supposedto do that. -No.

Not at this Macy's.

Uh... John.

HR and I disagreed on thedefinition of finger blasting.

-All right, points. Points.-(laughter, groans)