I was just in Austin, Texas.
Anybody ever beento Austin, Texas, before?
(crowd whooping)All right.
I was there for, uh,three days.
I was in Austin for three days.
Uh, I ate nothing but amazingbarbeque, tacos off taco trucks.
I don't think I had a vegetablein three days in Austin, Texas.
I got back to my apartmentin New York,
Sure, it's funny already.
That was pretty good already.
What if the joke endedright there?
(crowd cheering, whooping)Would that be pretty goodfor everybody?
You like that? Good.
I wish. I wish...
(chuckles)These next few jokes
are just gonna be a bunchof places I've been to,
and whether or not I poopedwhen I got back, okay?
Welcome to my 30-minute special.
I could do that,I could definitely do that.
After three days in Austin,I got back to my apartment
in New York and I pooped foam.
Okay? Foam came out of me.
It happened one time,
and I was back to normal.
But it scared me so much
that I went on WebMD and Google
to see if it ever happenedto anybody else, right?
So I'm Googling"foam poop," all right?
We've all done that,nothing comes up.
Stuff comes up, but notwhat you're looking for, right?
Like, weird stuff comes up.
I Googled "foam butt."
Um, I'm not proud of this.
While I was on Google,I Googled "butt poop."
And... I did,and if you Google "butt poop,"
you'll also learn that "buttpoop" is the most common kind...
But I couldn't find one instanceof anybody saying,
foam came out of them.The Internet is huge!
You can find literallyeverything on the Internet.
You can go to Yahoo! Answersand type in
"Why can't I getmy balls pierced at Claire's?"
And somebody has answeredthat question.
They really have.
There's four paragraphson Yahoo! Answers
on why you can't get your ballspierced at Claire's at the mall.
I didn't even, I didn't even
read the whole thing'cause it's so long.
It's got something to dowith sterilization and the gun.
I guess. It's not important.
What's weird to me issomebody took the time
to write that respon...
It's weird that somebody askedthat question, too.
And it was me.But somebody took the time
to, like, really write outa well-thought-out response.
You can find that,
but you can't find one reportof somebody saying
"Foam came out of my body andthis is what I did about it."