And now it's timefor tonight's #HashtagWars.
Please welcomethis week's sponsor
that I am legally boundto introduce right now,
Mr. Donald Trump.
It's my birthday.
-It's not your birthday.-It's my birthday, too.
It is definitelynot your birthday.
I want to sing,♪ Deutschland, Deutschland
-♪ Uber alles. -No, it's notyour birthday. Stop singing.
Stop it.It's not your birthday.
This is our...
Let someone else have a moment.Let someone else have a moment.
I have every moment.I buy all the moments.
-All right, fine.-(laughter)
This is our second-to-last nightwith Donald Trump.
Uh, we wanted--next week it'll all be over--
uh, we wanteda chance to discuss
the truly important issueswith him,
as he is running for Presidentof the United States,
so that is why tonight's hashtagis HowIWillFixEverything.
All right? Very educational.Examples might include:
increasing funding for Zikaand other dangerous diseases;
-No. -or: deal with NorthKorea's burgeoning nuclear...
-What do you mean, no?-Unbelievable. Hold it.
I'm sorry, Chip.Hold it right there.
Wha... It's the hashtag!
Listen to me, Chip Sajak.I'll fix America right now
by changing that stupid hashtag.
-It's a very thought-provokinghashtag. -No, it's not.
I want to provethat I can do Internet puns
better than anybody--especially your panel
of aging baristas here.
Tonight's hashtagis something truly dumb.
FishT... We can't do...That's ridiculous!
You're like a...an extra-large baby in a tie.
I would hate myself, then,'cause I hate babies.
I grind them up and thensnort them like cocaine.
All right, that's enough,that's enough. That is...
The hashtag is #FishTV, I guess.
What are... whatwould examples of that be?
Examples may include: Golden Gills;
or: Don't Trust the Beach
-in Apartment 23. -(scattered laughter)
-Isn't that funny?-Well, the crowd loved it.
-(laughter) -So I guessI have to put 60 seconds
on the clock, and begin.
-Johnny. -To Catch a Predator,
Such as a Shark or a Barracuda.
-Yes, points.-Excuse me. Excuse me.
-It's Artemis's turn.-Excuse me.
You don't even have a buzzer.You don't even have a buzzer.
-Blubber, She Wrote. -All right, fine.
-Artemis. -Uh, The Fellatio with Matt Lauer.
-Uh, Johnny. -The Fresh Fish of Bel-Air.
-Yes, points!-(applause, whooping)
Carp Your Enthusiasm.
Yes, points.Very good, very good.
-TRUMP: Excuse me.-What?
-Excuse me. Excuse me. -Whydidn't you just get a butter?
You paidfor the whole (bleep) show.
-You couldn't buy a buzzer?-I got a buzzer
and a butter, Chip.
-You son of a bitch.-And let me tell you,
I got the butter somewhereyou don't want to know about.
Let me tell you,I binge-watch this.
All right, fine.
-Excuse me. Excuse me.-What?
The People VersusRow Jay Simpson.
HARDWICK:Fine. Points, I guess.
-CSI: Pacific Ocean.-HARDWICK: Yes, points.
Excuse me, excuse me,excuse me, excuse me.
All right. No one is even tryingto stop you at this point.
-Gill Street Blues.-HARDWICK: All right, fine.
Gill Street Blues. Points.Cheryl.
-60 Minnows.-HARDWICK: Yes, points.