Fred Stoller - Memorial Day

Fred Stoller & Roger Rittenhouse Season 1, Ep 0154 02/24/1992 Views: 1,970

Having Monday off doesn't make a difference to Fred. (2:38)

SHE GOES,"OH, I'M ON THE REBOUND.

"MY BOYFRIEND HURT ME.

I WANT TO HURT HIM, TOO,BUT I CAN'T."

SHE GOES, "JUST TO GET BACK,I MIGHT SLEEP WITH SOME GUY

BUT THAT WOULDN'T HURT HIM."

I SAID, "NO, MAYBE IT WILL."

( laughter )

YOU KNOW WHEN YOU HAVEN'T HADSEX IN A REAL LONG TIME

WHEN YOU FINALLY GET ITIT'S SUCH A RELIEF?

THAT'S WHAT I'M HOPINGHAPPENS TO ME.

( laughter )

I CALLED THIS GIRL UP.

YOU EVER GET ITWHERE YOU KNOW THEY LIED

BUT YOU CAN'T ACCEPT IT?

I GO, "HI, IT'S FRED."

SHE GOES, "OH, FRED,I CAN'T TALK.

I'M GOING TO THE BANK,IT CLOSES IN TEN MINUTES."

SO I CALL HER UP IN 15 MINUTESIN A DIFFERENT VOICE:

"HI, IT'S THE BANK.

WHERE ARE YOU?"

( laughter )

YOU PEOPLE LOOK LIKEYOU'RE DOING...

LOOK AT THESEYOUNG, ATTRACTIVE...

A HOLIDAY'S COMING UP.

IN L.A., THE WEATHER'S THE SAME.

IT COULD BE CHRISTMAS,MEMORIAL DAY.

I HATE THESE THREE-DAY HOLIDAYS.

I DON'T WANT MONDAY OFFBECAUSE I DON'T WORK ANYWAY.

SOMEWHERE, THE STREETS ARE EMPTY

THEY'RE BARBECUING,LEAPING, HUGGING...

I'M WALKING THE STREET ALONEGOING, "IS THERE MAIL TODAY?"

( laughter )

"WHY ISN'T THERE MAIL?"

SEE, I THINK WE'D BEENJOYING THIS A LOT MORE

IF WE WERE JUST HANGINGAT A DENNY'S

AND I WAS SAYING THISAT THE END OF THE TABLE.

( clapping )

RIGHT?

THERE'D BE NO PRESSURE.

OH, THAT WAS UNEXPECTED.

BUT HERE, IMAGINE IF YOU TURNEDYOUR TABLES AND FACED ME.

( laughter )

NO, I'M DOING GOOD.

I WAS ON THE SHOW STAR SEARCHAND I WON, AND...

( smattering of applause )

THANK YOU.

AND THIS IS THE PRIZE, SO...

( laughter )

I'M HAVING MAYBE TOO MUCH FUN,THAT'S THE PROBLEM--

MAYBE TOO MUCH FUN.

AH, WOMEN-SCHMIMEN,YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT?

I MET THIS GIRL LAST WEEKAND WE WENT BACK TO MY PLACE

AND ONE THING LED TO NOTHING.

SHE GOES, "NO SEX,WE'RE JUST GOING TO SLEEP.

WE'LL BE FRIENDS."

WHAT FRIENDS DO THAT?

I PLAYED BASKETBALLWITH MY FRIEND THE OTHER DAY

AND HE SAID,"WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO NOW?"

LET'S TAKE A NAP TOGETHER.

( laughter )

I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, I THINKI'D BETTER GET GOING.

I... I HAVE MORE THRILLS TO DO.

NO, UM, I AM HAVING FUN.

JUST REMINDS ME OF THE NIGHTI GOT STABBED IN THE HEAD.

( laughter )

THOSE ARE REALLY CONNECTING.

IMAGINE, I TALK ABOUT MY MOTHERSO MUCH SHE BECOMES FAMOUS

THEY MAKE A DOLL OF HER.

YOU PULL THE STRING, IT GOES,"AGAIN WITH THE STRING."

THAT'S IT FOR ME,THANK YOU VERY MUCH.