Nick Vatterott - Neighborhood Mugger

Nick Vatterott Season 1, Ep 6 05/25/2012 Views: 5,068

Nick Vatterott describes surprising encounters he's had on Craigslist, a handsome criminal and the bored men in his neighborhood. (2:15)

I'm trying tofind love, though.

Yeah, I'm trying to find...

I went on Craigslistto search for love.

Get some furnitureand some love on there.

I don't know who Craig is,but, uh,

you know how people nevermatch their profile picture?

I went out with this girl.

She turned out to bea real butter dick.



I live in Brooklyn now.

My neighborhood,there's this guy

who's been mugging peoplein my neighborhood.

And they have signs upfor the guy,

and they have a descriptionfor him.

It says he hassandy blonde hair.

Which I thinkthat's an adorable way

to describe your assailant.

How did that go down?

There's some guy's, like,

"Officer, Officer, that guy--he stole my briefcase!"

"What did he look like?"

"Ah, he had sandy blonde hair,

"eyes you can lose yourself in,

"lips that are made for kissing.

You gotta get this guy,you know."

"Any more details?"

"I don't know, washboard abs,

"an ass that wouldn't quit,

"a real tall drink of water!

I need my briefcase!"

There's guys in my neighborhoodthat, uh... All they...

They hang out in frontof this bodega,

and all they ever do is, uh,tuck in their shirts

and ask wherethe other guys are.

Do you know people like that?

All day long--"Hey, you guys seen Tony?

Tony been around?"

"No." "All right."

"Hey, where's Jim at?Jim been back?"

"No." "All right, all right."

"Hey, is Rick inside?""No." "All right, all right.

Here we go. Oh, my God,here we go, yeah, yeah, yeah."

"Hey, Rick, how you doing?"

"Hey, is Stu working tonight?"

"Stu's not working today."

"All right."

"Tell Ken I stop by."

"All right, I will."

All right.