Phil Hanley - Past Relationships & One-Night Stands

  • Season 4 , Ep 5
  • 08/23/2013
  • Views: 2,299

Phil Hanley recalls having high hopes for his first live-in girlfriend and tries to justify letting someone else use his toothbrush. (2:38)

tell from looking at me,

but I, um,I ran away from home

when I was 29 years old.

And I moved in, uh,with my ex-girlfriend.

And, uh, I thought--

You know, I thought everythingwould work out.

I thought we would be togetherfor the rest of our lease.

Sometimes, uh,I'll be on a date with a girl

and she'll, like, ask meabout my last relationship.

And she'll want to knowspecifically

who broke up with who.

And I say, well,if I broke up with her

I wouldn't be crying.

And we wouldn't be parkedin front of her house.

I was on a date,and the girl told me

that her momwas her best friend.

And I said, "Oh, wow,what's it like knowing

that your dad's bangingyour best friend?"

My friend asked meif I would be comfortable,

uh, marrying a womanthat makes more money than me,

and I wouldn't be comfortableotherwise.

He said, "Oh, so she'll wearthe pants."

And I said, "Yeah, and I'll wearthe capris."

Sometimes, uh,when you're a comedian,

you get to, uh-- You get tosleep with an audience member.

And that's just--That's just something

you guys have to decideamongst yourselves.

I've been told that, uh,when you meet the right person

you know immediately.

How come when you meetthe wrong person

it takes a year and a half?

I had a, uh, a one-night stand,uh, recently.

And, uh, the woman,

she-- She brushed her teethwith my toothbrush.

Yes. It's disgusting.

She tried to justify it.She said, "Well, we had sex."

Like, what's the difference?

And I said,"Well, the difference is

I wanted to usethat toothbrush again."

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