tell from looking at me,
but I, um,I ran away from home
when I was 29 years old.
And I moved in, uh,with my ex-girlfriend.
And, uh, I thought--
You know, I thought everythingwould work out.
I thought we would be togetherfor the rest of our lease.
Sometimes, uh,I'll be on a date with a girl
and she'll, like, ask meabout my last relationship.
And she'll want to knowspecifically
who broke up with who.
And I say, well,if I broke up with her
I wouldn't be crying.
And we wouldn't be parkedin front of her house.
I was on a date,and the girl told me
that her momwas her best friend.
And I said, "Oh, wow,what's it like knowing
that your dad's bangingyour best friend?"
My friend asked meif I would be comfortable,
uh, marrying a womanthat makes more money than me,
and I wouldn't be comfortableotherwise.
He said, "Oh, so she'll wearthe pants."
And I said, "Yeah, and I'll wearthe capris."
Sometimes, uh,when you're a comedian,
you get to, uh-- You get tosleep with an audience member.
And that's just--That's just something
you guys have to decideamongst yourselves.
I've been told that, uh,when you meet the right person
you know immediately.
How come when you meetthe wrong person
it takes a year and a half?
I had a, uh, a one-night stand,uh, recently.
And, uh, the woman,
she-- She brushed her teethwith my toothbrush.
Yes. It's disgusting.
She tried to justify it.She said, "Well, we had sex."
Like, what's the difference?
And I said,"Well, the difference is
I wanted to usethat toothbrush again."