Thanks for coming out.
Uh, so, a-a friendof mine is a vegan.
- No-- No "Wooo"for that-- No.
If some of you haven'theard yet what a vegan is,
maybe you're visitingfrom out of town, uh...
A vegan is a personwho won't eat anything
made by orwith flavor.
My vegan - vegan friendgets very excited, though.
He wants meto try his food.
He's like, "Oh, man,you gotta try this.
"It tastes just like turkey,but it's made with tofu.
"They call it tofurkey."
I say, "Nah,I don't gotta try that,
"'cause I alreadyfound something
"that tastesjust like turkey,
"except it'smade with turkey.
"It's called turkey.
"The stuff you've got doesn'ttaste like turkey at all.
"It tastes more likethe sad delusions of a man
"who wearspants so tight
"I can make out the expressionon the head of his penis."
And it lookslike this.
Now, I've had decentvegan food before, though.
But, you know,a good vegan meal
is like a goodChristian rock band.
[laughter and applause]
Even when it's kinda good,it still really sucks.