Norm Macdonald - Guys with Small C**ks

Season 1 , Ep 101 03/26/11 Views: 21,045

Norm Macdonald wonders why guys who are not well-endowed like nothing better than sprouting free verse about their small penises. (2:03)

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SEX COULDN'T BE SIMPLER.

HEY, THERE'S ONLY LIKEFIVE THINGS YOU CAN DO

IN THE WHOLE [bleep] THING.

YOU KNOW?

YOU EVER THINKYOU INVENTED A SIXTH?

YOU'RE LIKE,"WHAT ABOUT THIS? AAGH!"

THEN LATER, YOU GO,"AH, IN ALL HUMILITY,

I GUESS THAT WASPRETTY CLOSE TO NUMBER FIVE."

YOU KNOW WHO'S REALLY--

YOU KNOW WHO'S REALLYPROUD OF THEIR SEX?

YOU EVER HEAR GUYS WITHSMALL [bleep] TALK ABOUT IT?

SMALL [bleep] GUYS.THEM GUYS.

HOLY LORD.CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT ENOUGH.

THEY EVEN GOT POEMS.YOU KNOW, THEY'LL SAY,

"AH, IT'S NOT THE MOTIONOF THE OCEAN,

IT'S THE BOATOF THE LOTION."

I DON'T KNOW.

I DON'T KNOW THE--I DON'TMEMORIZE THE POEMS.

BUT...

I'VE EVEN HEARD VARIANTSOF THE SAME POEM.

IT'S LIKE, "IT'S NOT THE TREEOR THE SIZE,

IT'S THE AXTHAT YOU WHACKS."

I DON'T KNOW.

BUT, UH, IT'S...

IT'S A LITTLE SUB GENREOF POETRY NOW

THAT'S TAUGHT IN MANYOF OUR FINER INSTITUTIONS.

TURNS OUT GUYSWITH SMALL [bleep],

NOTHING THEY LIKE MORE

THAN JUST SPOUTIN'FREE VERSE AT HOME

ABOUT THEIR...

AND THE...[chuckling]

THE SUBTEXT OF EVERY ONEOF THESE BEAUTIFUL POEMS

IS, UH, IT DOESN'T MATTERHOW BIG YOUR [bleep] IS,

IT'S WHAT YOU DO WITH IT.

YOU KNOW?

LIKE THE GUY WITH THE GIANT[bleep] WOULD HAVE NO CLUE.

YOU KNOW, HOW WOULD...

HOW WOULD HE POSSIBLY KNOW?

IT'S LIKE, "WHAT DO YOU DO?YOU PUT IT IN, AND THEN YOU...

"I'M STUMPED.I DON'T KNOW."

"IT'S IRONIC--EVERYONEWANTS MY GIANT [bleep],

"BUT...

"I DON'T THINKI'LL EVER SOLVE THIS...

"RUBRIC.I DON'T KNOW, I...

"IF ONLY IT WAS SMALLERAND EASIER TO MANEUVER, I...

"I CAN'T--I CAN'T FIGURE IT.

I DON'T KNOW."

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