Michelle Buteau - Puerto Rican Parties

South Beach Comedy Festival 2008 Season 1, Ep 2 01/28/2008 Views: 6,504

If you're not Puerto Rican, you should go to a Puerto Rican party -- on purpose. (2:08)

-I have a lot ofPuerto Rican friends

back home in New York,because you guys multiply.

But let me tell you something.

I'm sorry, how many cousins?

You guys have the best parties.

If you're not PuertoRican, you should

go to a Puerto Ricanparty on purpose.

They'll roll up on you.

I went to one a few months ago.

I had the best time, y'all.

It was a funeral,but don't judge me.

The most fun at afuneral I ever had.

There was an open barand a DJ at the funeral.

I was in the back.

I was like Reggae Toneat a funeral, girl.

I was like, I got two numbersat this funeral, girl.

Shut up, shut up.

I'm like, who is dying next?

Who is dying next?


Shakira, Shakira.


My hips don't lie.

But I got a lot ofnationalities, too, though,

not just Puerto Rico.

On Lincoln Road today, thisguy thought I was Brazilian.

He's speaking Portuguese to me.

He was throwing pork at me.

I was like, what?

I don't think I look Brazilianeither, because I wear clothes.

Yeah, I said it.


But I had to learnsome Spanish, y'all.

Apparently, Ilooked that Spanish.

So I was like, you know what,girl, I'm going to learn some

Spanish when I go visitSpanish-speaking countries,

like [inaudible].

Yeah, [spanish], bitch.

I was lost.

I was like, I can't.

The first phrase I learnedSpanish is tienes pollo.

Do you have chicken?

That's right.

I ain't missing no meals.

The second phrase I learnedSpanish is no toca mi pelo.

Don't touch my hair.

Let me wear it first.

It's a black thing.


Titty shake?


And the third very importantSpanish phrase I learned,

y'all, is no venga in mi boca.

Thank you, girl.

Earmuffs, boys.

I-- [spanish].

I am like mayonnaise.

It's a lot for a girl.