Nick DiPaolo - Prostate Exam

  • Season 6 , Ep 7
  • 06/02/2002
  • Views: 7,034

Nick DiPaolo is getting too old to date. (2:28)

I SHOULDN'T MAKE FUN OF OLD

PEOPLE.

I TURNED 40 LAST THURSDAY.

40 YEARS OLD, WHICH IS

FRIGHTENING TO ME, MAN.

(APPLAUSE)

NO, PLEASE.

"HE'S ALMOST DEAD.

YES."

40 YEARS OLD, IT SCARES ME, MAN.

HAD MY FIRST PROSTATE EXAM

ABOUT SIX MONTHS AGO.

YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO WAIT UNTIL

YOUR 40 BUT I SAID (BLEEP) IT,

I'M NOT GOING MISS ON THAT KIND

OF FUN.

(LAUGHTER)

THIS WAS SO HUMILIATING.

LADIES, NOW I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL

WHEN YOU GO TO THE GYNECOLOGIST.

I HAD TO PULL MY PANTS DOWN

TO MY ANKLES, BEND OVER A TABLE,

THIS GUY PUT ON A RUBBER GLOVE,

PROCEEDED TO DO SHADOW PUPPETS

IN MY ASS FOR TEN MINUTES.

"LET ME DO AN EAGLE FOR YOU."

(LAUGHTER)

"AH, CAN YOU DO A RABBIT WITH NO

EARS?

THAT REALLY HURTS."

AFTER ABOUT FOUR MINUTES,

I'M LIKE, "WHAT'D YOU DROP YOUR

FAVORITE PEN?

LET'S GO!"

(LAUGHTER)

THIS GUY WAS POKING AT ME WITH

HIS INDEX FINGER LIKE A HOMELESS

GUY TRYING TO GET A QUARTER OUT

OF A PAYPHONE.

(LAUGHTER)

HE GOES, "I'M GONNA PUSH ON YOUR

PROSTRATE, YOU'RE GOING TO FEEL

LIKE YOU WANT TO PEE."

I SAID, "I HAD THAT FEELING WHEN

I SAW YOU PUT ON THE GLOVE."

(LAUGHTER)

WHEN YOU'RE ALL DONE YOU GOT

LUBRICATION ALL OVER YOUR ASS,

HE THROWS YOU A BUNCH OF NAPKINS

LIKE YOU'RE A $5 CRACK WHORE.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

WHAT AM I AT, A MOTEL IN

TRENTON?

WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE?

THEN I SEE THE GUY WRITING

SOMETHING IN HIS FILE, I'M JUST

PRAYING HE'S NOT DOODLING A

HEART WITH MY INITIALS IN IT.

(LAUGHTER)

HE GOES, "I'LL SEE YOU IN

SIX MONTHS."

I GO "(BLEEP) THAT.

I'LL SEE YOU IN COURT ON

TUESDAY."

HE GOES, "GET OUT OF MY CAR."

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

GETTING TOO OLD TO DATE AND

I REALIZED THIS TWO WEEKS AGO.

GUYS, THIS IS WHEN YOU KNOW

YOU'RE TOO OLD TO DATE.

I WAS IN THIS BAR FLIRTING WITH

THIS HOT CHICK BUT I DIDN'T

GO HOME WITH HER 'CAUSE I FELT

A DUMP COMING ON.

(LAUGHTER)

YEAH.

I WAS (BLEEP) BLOCKED BY

A CALZONE I ATE AT ONE O'CLOCK.

(LAUGHTER AN APPLAUSE)

THAT IS SAD.

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