Michael Che - Paying Taxes

  • Season 3 , Ep 2
  • 06/06/2014
  • Views: 15,451

When Michael Che pays his taxes, he has no idea what he's paying for. (2:12)

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I do like.. uh... doingcomedy, though, because

I got to pay taxes.That's the worst part.

That's the wor...You ever pay taxes?

I never paid taxes before.

It's an awful feeling.

I've had taxes taken,but I've never paid taxes.

And that's two totallydifferent things.

'Cause when you have taxestaken, you get a job

every week and they just takethe taxes out of your check.

They just take it.You don't get a choice.

They just take itand they keep taking it

till the end of the yearwhere they're like,

"Hey, I think we might'vetook too much.

(laughs)

"Here's $500 back.

Go buy yourselfsome sneakers or something."

And you're like,

"Thanks, government. We're goingto Red Lobster tonight.

"This is amazing.(laughs)

I love tax time."

When you pay taxes,it's totally different.

When you pay taxes, they let youkeep all of your money all year,

and at the end, they say,"You owe us 40%."

Which is a lot for me because Idon't know what I'm paying for.

I've never dialed 911.I put out all my own fires.

And I'm not saying I shouldn'thave to pay any taxes,

but I shouldn't have to payas much as somebody that votes.

Or... actually...(laughs)

I don't vote because I don'tknow anything about politics.

And honestly I can't believethey would let me.

Isn't that, like,an important job?

They'll just let me pickthe president, really?

I don't got to take a test?I don't need a license?

You need a licenseto shampoo dogs in this country.

But they'll let me pickthe president?

And that seems safe to you?

I don't know anythingabout politics.

I've tried.I'll watch the news.

Either I'm too stupidto understand the news

or I feel like they'realways lying to us.

Right? I was watching recently.

This ladyfrom the government gets on

talking about the economy.

She's like,"We're in a recession.

We owe China $11 trillion."

And I'm like, "We?"

I don't owe China shit.

You owe China $11 trillion.

"We" owe Sprint $90.

You must've been roaming.

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