Richard Lewis - Relationship Trouble

Kevin Meaney & Paul Provenza Season 1, Ep 0132 02/24/1992 Views: 450

Richard has heard that he's great in bed. (2:03)

I MEAN, THEY'RE GREAT,BUT I MEAN...

I JUST... I JUST,I DON'T KNOW, I JUST...

I HEARD I WAS GREAT IN B...I THINK SOMEONE TOLD ME...

ACTUALLY, I HEARDI WAS GREAT IN BED.

NOT BY A WOMAN... MY PARROTSAID, "YOU'RE GREAT IN BED.

YOU'RE GREAT IN BED."

THAT'S PRETTY MUCHALL I TAUGHT HIM.

IT COST ME A THOUSAND DOLLARSTO TEACH HIM TO SAY THOSE TOO.

NO, I HAVEN'T...I'VE BEEN SCARED THE LAST YEAR

AND THAT'S...YOU KNOW, RIGHTFULLY SO

AND KIDS, CONDOMS.

( rumbling )

THAT WAS A CANNONOR AN ASSASSINATION ATTEMPT.

WHO CARES?

BUT, UH... I HAD TROUBLEWITH THE LAST RELATIONSHIP.

SO I GOT SCARED A LITTLE BITAND I HAD...

I HAD TWO AMISH PEOPLE COME OVERWHO WERE FRIENDS OF MINE.

THEY HAD AN ERECTION RAISING.

IT WAS FUN.

NO, IT HELPED ME, HELPED ME OUT.

BUT, UH...I'VE GIVEN UP RIGHT NOW.

I DON'T CARE.

I TOOK THE MIRROROFF THE CEILING.

I JUST PUT A POSTER UP OF THEFIVE BASIC FOOD GROUPS UP TOP.

AND I BLAME MY FAMILY.

ACTUALLY MY FAMILY TOOK--

FORGET MIRRORS, I DON'T THINKMY MOM AND DAD HAD A MIRROR--

THEY LITERALLY TOOKTHE WHOLE BED OUT

AND PUT A SHUFFLEBOARD COURTIN THEIR BEDROOM.

SO I SAW THAT.

I WISH I WAS AN ANIMAL.

( screeches )

I WISH I WAS JUST AN ANIMALLIKE AN ELK.

HE'LL MAKE LOVE TO A GIRAFFE

AND HE'LL SCRATCH HIS ASSAND THEN HE'LL GO TO A TREE

AND HE'LL JUST SWAT A FLY.

THAT'S IT!

HE DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKEA PHONE CALL.

THERE'S NO GUILT.

THERE'S NO... YOU KNOW.

BIRDS-- HUMMINGBIRDS.

YOU THINK HUMMINGBIRDS CAREABOUT PREMATURE EJACULATION?

THEY COULD CARE LESS.

WHOO!

IT'S... IT'S OVER.

THAT'S THE DIVORCE,THE HONEYMOON, THE MARRIAGE.

THEY MOVE TO FLORIDA,COME BACK TO JERSEY.

WHOO!

THEY GET DIVORCED AGAIN.

I JUST DID JACKIE MASONFOR A SECOND.