Rick Gutierrez - Young People Don't Know Dick

  • Season 1 , Ep 101
  • 10/06/2011
  • Views: 15,509

Rick Gutierrez knows that he's getting older because he can hear noises in his body that nobody else can hear. (2:20)

Our children, man.

And they...and we buy them video games.

Don't do that.

That's like crack cocaineto a kid.

You ever see a kid playa video game?

(demonic babbling)

(cheering and applause)

How come they can't makegood video games

like "clean your room"video game

or "do your homework" video game

or "shut the hell up"video game? How about that?

Look at the young people.

(mock laughing)

(stammers)How old are you, man?

How old are you?How old are you?!

25? (bleep) you!

(mock laughing)

You don't know dick.

They always thinkthey know, right?

You can't tell them anything.

"Hey, dude..." "I know."

"What about...?""I know."

You see that (bleep) coming?You didn't know.

Yeah.

(mock laughing)

They don't learn.Right, 25?

You don't even knowwhat a slingshot is, do you?

No. (mock babbling)

My brother shot me in the backwith a ball bearing.

And I heard it coming.(makes whooshing sound)

"Where?"(imitates thud)

You know how you're screaming,

but nothing's comingout of your mouth?

He starts dragging meup the backyard.

"Shut up! Shut up!Shut up! Shut up!"

"Don't tell Dad!Don't tell Dad!"

"Aah!""Shut up!"

"I'll take out the trash.

I'll take it out.I swear to God!"

And what did you learn?Duck, bitch.

(applause and cheering)

You know... hey, you know how

you know when you startgetting older?

You start hearing noises

in your bodynobody else can hear.

You're just talking."What's up, dude? Yeah."

(grunts)

You know what it is?It's gas.

You're 25 years old.

Your gas stays in one place.

Me and these old bastards...

(moaning and grunting)

It moves around.

It's looking for a placeto come out, and it finds one.

(grunting)

(speaks Spanish)

We got to go!

That's why old peoplewalk the way they do.

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