RETURN JULY 2014
Our children, man.
And they...and we buy them video games.
Don't do that.
That's like crack cocaineto a kid.
You ever see a kid playa video game?
(cheering and applause)
How come they can't makegood video games
like "clean your room"video game
or "do your homework" video game
or "shut the hell up"video game? How about that?
Look at the young people.
(stammers)How old are you, man?
How old are you?How old are you?!
25? (bleep) you!
You don't know dick.
They always thinkthey know, right?
You can't tell them anything.
"Hey, dude..." "I know."
"What about...?""I know."
You see that (bleep) coming?You didn't know.
They don't learn.Right, 25?
You don't even knowwhat a slingshot is, do you?
No. (mock babbling)
My brother shot me in the backwith a ball bearing.
And I heard it coming.(makes whooshing sound)
You know how you're screaming,
but nothing's comingout of your mouth?
He starts dragging meup the backyard.
"Shut up! Shut up!Shut up! Shut up!"
"Don't tell Dad!Don't tell Dad!"
"I'll take out the trash.
I'll take it out.I swear to God!"
And what did you learn?Duck, bitch.
(applause and cheering)
You know... hey, you know how
you know when you startgetting older?
You start hearing noises
in your bodynobody else can hear.
You're just talking."What's up, dude? Yeah."
You know what it is?It's gas.
You're 25 years old.
Your gas stays in one place.
Me and these old bastards...
(moaning and grunting)
It moves around.
It's looking for a placeto come out, and it finds one.
We got to go!
That's why old peoplewalk the way they do.