So, listen, I needa cigarette.
That's what it is.
I-- it's a disaster.
I gotta quit smoking.
I like-- I wanna quitsmoking so badly.
And I've failedso many times.
And like, I-- I feel likethe only hope that I have,
personally, to quit smoking, isif we do what they do in foreign
countries with the scarypictures on the pa--
Have you everseen those?
Like, specifically,Canadian cigarettes.
I don't know if you guys haveever seen a Canadian pack
They're way over the top,they're fucking crazy.
It's like a brown lung or a guywith half a face and no teeth.
You're just like, what?
What did thisto his face?
Did he smokea hand grenade?
What could'vedone this?
I'm not exaggeratingthis for comedy.
This is literally a packof cigarettes that they
are selling right now.
I swear to God, the wholebox is a giant picture
of a dead little baby.
And, then under it, it says,cigarettes kill babies!
It's like, Jesus, take itdown a notch, Canada!
This is like, look, seriously,like if you're gonna be that
aggressive-- Like, if you'regonna insist on using that as
your argument, then you haveto look into all the facts
in the argument.
And, I'll tell you what, Canada,the rest of the facts are a lot
of other shitkills babies also.
And, that is because babiesare super easy to kill!
They are, right?
Come on, sleeping on theirtummies kills babies.
You sleep on your tummy,you're fine, right?
I-- I feel likeI have to make it clear.
I'm not advocating the killingof babies in any way.
I'm not sayingthat's okay.
I'm simply saying, it'sa bullshit argument.
You can't say cigarettes killbabies without listing other
things that killbabies, right?
'Cause they're veryeasy to kill, right?
Like, potato chipscould kill babies, you know?
Like, you could kill a ton ofbabies at once, right, pal?
Just throw them ina pillowcase and smack it.
That's all you'dhave to do.
But, but, I don'twant that to happen.
You seem horrified.
I'm not saying that's okay, butI feel like some of you are not
coming with me onthis comedy journey, and...