I know, I'm a Jew, and I'mgoing to be 23 years old.
Life on the planetEarth-- I have
much to speak to God about.
If I ever meet God, I got a lotto speak out to God-- I want
to go, God, I gottacompliment you
on the idea of infinite space.
It goes on forever, andthen within infinite space,
billions of planetarysystems that
have ecosystemswith air and water.
And fish in the water die,decay, they wash up on shore,
become fertilizer for treesthat grow fruit, that fall.
People eat the fruit,they propagate.
More people come.
There's history and civilizationand culture and theater
and technology and movieand medicine and art
and books-- and God,how about a little hair
that stays on the head?
Nice to get tothat point in life
where you can comb yourhair with a damp rag.
You know where the hair goeswhen it leaves your head?
Comes out your nose, outyour ears, on your shoulders.
After about 35, youturn into a Chia Pet.
Actually, there's a reason--there's a reason the hair comes
out of your earsas you get older.
As you get older, you loseyour sight and your hearing,
so the hair coming out of yourears acts as curb feelers.
Much to speak to God about.
If I ever meet God,I want to go, God,
there was a lot of fun on Earth.
There was joy.
There was love.
There was Monet and van Goghand Mark Twain and Fellini,
but what was theidea of suffering?
Racism, sexism, disease,war, violence, greed.
And what was it, God, whenyou're driving down a highway
for an hour, 70miles an hour, you're
really cooking, all of asudden it slows to 50, 40, 30.
You're crawling around at 20miles an hour for half an hour.
Boom, it picks up to 40, 50,and there was no accident.
What was that?
I'm 42 now, whichis middle-aged,
and my friends tell me42 is not middle-aged.
But 42 times 2 is 84, and thenyou got 15 minutes to live.
I think the thing I had aboutgetting old is-- all getting
old means is you'refalling apart, basically.
My teeth-- I had a lotof silver put in my teeth
when I was a kid.
Now there are things Ican no longer crunch on.
I will never crunch ona popcorn kernel again.
I have gone fromGrape Nuts and milk