but now I just wantto be on Comedy Central
So my niece and nephewsthink I'm cool.
'Cause, cause they'realways like,
"Uncle Steve, when are you gonnabe on Comedy Central?
And now I can be like,"Next week, bitches!"
Like, I'm so... Right?It's gonna be awesome!
And here's the thing 'causethey're such amazing kids,
but I just want them to grow upto be good people.
So that's why the last timeI was home,
I made them watch Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory.
The real Willy Wonka.
I'm talking '70s style,old-school, right?
Because they're little kids,
and I didn't want themgrowing up
thinking Johnny Deppwas Willy Wonka.
No, no, no, no, no.
Johnny Depp's an amazing actor.
I love the guy.
But there'sonly one real Willy Wonka
and his name isGene mother-effing Wilder.
And you remember that movieopens up with Charlie Bucket?
The nicest kidin the world, right?
And the world's just poopingon his little face.
Like, he's workingtwo goddamn jobs,
he's scrubbing floors,he's delivering papers.
And the only thinghe wants out of life
is a goddamn golden ticket?
And all those rich-kid dicksare opening up...
Oh, I got a golden ticket,I got a golden ticket.
I'm six, looking at the TV.
I'm like, "Do your job, Jesus!
"Give this kida goddamn golden ticket!
He's working his balls off,right?"
The first hour,