Exclusive - Too Soon - Dead Stripper

Week of 1/14/2013 - "The View," Attell, Friedlander, Leggero Season 2, Ep 2 01/15/2013 Views: 6,266

Jeff burns a dead stripper who was survived by her breasts and extensions. (2:38)

-Welcome to our blog.

If you could just stopjerking off for a second.

Here's some bonus too-soon jokesthat can only be seen online.

Reading these for thefirst time from our writers

here at "The Burn."

They're about the deadstripper in Cleveland.

I heard of menfalling for strippers,

but not the other way around.

She fell off a balcony, bro.

You know that.


I heard-- yes, I know that.

-When she fell, the DJyelled, coming to the sidewalk

right now.

The song she was dancing to?

R. Kelly's "IBelieve I Can Fly."

Being a strip club janitor isa shitty job on a normal night.

The weirdest part was aguy near the landing site

had just wishedfor his dream girl.

Some judgmental witnessessaid her dancing was an eight,

but her landing was a 10.

The man she gave a lapdance to was really upset

because he could tellshe really loved him.

She served wings, but shedefinitely didn't have any.

It's kind of stretchingit on that one.

Paramedics say they mighthave been able to save her

if only she didn't chargeso much for mouth-to-mouth.

Surgeons tried to operate, butwhatever they went to open her

up, the bouncer stoodover them whispering,

I'm telling youfor the last time.

Her last words were, ba, widda,ba, ba-ba, da-bang, bang,

diggy, because she hadsevere brain damage.

Too soon, [inaudible]?

MALE SPEAKER: No, it's perfect.

-It was an expensivefuneral, especially since all

the mourners charged $20 a song.

There were worries thefuneral wouldn't even start.

Every time the pallbearerswant to pick up the casket,

the bouncersyelled, no touching.

Instead of buyingher in a coffin,

they just slid herbody down a pole.

That shouldn't be on TV orthe internet, that joke.

Out of respect, zippersall over Cleveland

were held at half mast.

It was especially sad, 'causenext season she was planning

on taking her talentsto South Beach.

She's survived byher tits, extensions,

and an abusive drummer.

Roast in peace, lady.


All right.