Dana Gould - Old Movies

Dana Gould & Judy Gold Season 1, Ep 0123 02/24/1992 Views: 1,631

A scene from "Planet of the Really Insecure Apes." (1:50)

I LOVE THE...

I LOVE THE SET, IT'S...

IT'S LIKE, WHAT IF MILTON BERLEDESIGNED A BROTHEL?

IT LOOKS LIKE THE SETOF A SHAKESPEAREAN PLAY

BUT AT A REALLY CHEESY THEATER.

LIKE IF THE BURT REYNOLDSDINNER THEATER

DECIDED TO DO SHAKESPEARE.

JULIUS CAESARWITH CHARLES NELSON REILLY.

"BEWARE THE IDES OF MARCH."

( as Reilly: )"IDES OF MARCH-SMIDES OF MARCH.

"WHERE'S BRETT SOMMER?

BRUTUS SAID TO CASSIUS,'STAB HIM WITH YOUR BLANK.'"

( chortling )

THAT'S A GREATNEW THEORY I HAVE

OF ALL THE CLASSICS DONE

BY MODERN,VERY EFFEMINATE ACTORS.

A LITTLE MYTHOLOGY,ARABIAN LEGENDS BROUGHT TO LIFE.

RICHARD SIMMONS AS SINBAD,THE SENSITIVE SAILOR.

( as Simmons: )"IT DOESN'T MATTERTHAT YOU'RE A CYCLOPS."

( laughter )

"IT ONLY TAKES ONE EYETO LOOK IN HERE."

( laughter )

"I DON'T NEED GLASSESTO SEE YOU'RE HURTING."

( laughter )

"HEY, WYATT EARP,TIME FOR A SHOOTOUT

AT THE 'I'M OKAY' CORRAL."

( laughter )

I THINK ALL THOSE OLD MEN...

I'D LOVE TO SEE ALL THOSE OLDSCIENCE-FICTION MOVIES REMADE.

LIKE MODERN POP PSYCHOLOGYTHEORIES, YOU KNOW

LIKE PLANET OF THE REALLY INSECURE APES.

CHARLTON HESTON ALL TIED UP:

( as Heston: )"I'M FROM ANOTHER PLANETIN ANOTHER SOLAR SYSTEM."

( as ape: )"DO I LOOK FAT IN THESE PANTS?"

"WHAT?"

"I HAVE BIG BONES,IT MAKES ME LOOK HEAVY."

"I DON'T UNDERSTAND."

"SO, I UNDERSTANDYOU WERE DISCOVERED

BY DR. ZIRA AND CORNELIUS."

"YES, THAT'S TRUE."

"THEY THINK I'M A JERK?

SCREW THEM, I DON'T NEED THEM!"

( laughter )