Daniel Tosh - You Are a Troll

Daniel Tosh: Happy Thoughts Season 1, Ep 101 03/06/2011 Views: 109,922

There is a reason why so many people in America are overweight, and Daniel Tosh is happy to explain it. (1:50)

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WE'RE JUST TOO FAT.

I WAS ON A PLANE RECENTLY

THAT WAS DELAYEDOVER THREE HOURS AT THE GATE

BECAUSE THEY RAN OUTOF SEAT-BELT EXTENSIONS.

DO YOU EVEN KNOWWHAT SEAT-BELT EXTENSIONS ARE?

SEAT BELTS ONLY GO THIS BIG.

[laughter]

SOME PEOPLE NEED

AN EXTRA 6 1/2 FEET OF NYLONTO STRAP IN,

AS IF ANY COLLISIONWOULD UNWEDGE THEM.

I LOVE THAT THE MODELINGINDUSTRY GETS ATTACKED

FOR BEING TOO SKINNY.

REALLY, AMERICA?

YOU'RE NOT TOO BIG?

MM-MM.

IS SOMETHING IN YOUR MOUTH?

MM-MM.

DO YOU KNOW WHY THEY SAY THAT--THAT MODELS ARE TOO SKINNY?

IT'S BECAUSEPARENTS ARE HORRIBLE.

THEY CAN'T TELLTHEIR 16-YEAR-OLD DAUGHTER

THAT SHE'S NOT REALLYA PRINCESS.

WELL, GUESS WHAT.I CAN.

IF YOU'RE 16 YEARS OLDAND YOU THINK

THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN YOUAND GISELE IS YOUR WAISTLINE

AND NOT YOUR BUSTED FACE...

HERE'S SOME ADVICE--FILL UP THE PAXIL,

BECAUSE LIFE IS GONNA BEREALLY SAD.

IF YOU'RE WALKING AROUNDLIKE, "WELL, WHY AM I

NOT A SUPERMODEL YET?"

WHO ARE YOU EVEN LOOKING AT,SEABISCUIT?

"OH, I WANT TO BE A MODEL."

DO YOU WANT METO EXPLAIN IT TO YOU?

LET'S START WITH YOUR JAWLINE.

THAT'S NOT GONNA SELL A LOTOF MAKEUP IN THE MAGAZINES.

"BUT I'M SKINNY."

YOU ARE A TROLL.

MY ADVICE,HAVE A TWINKIE,

GET REAL GOOD AT MATH,

BECAUSE LIFEIS NOT GONNA BE EASY FOR YOU.

I'M SORRYIF THIS IS YOUR WAKE-UP CALL,

BUT BEING AN UGLY WOMANIS LIKE BEING A MAN.

YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO WORK.