- All the times my armacted up,
I thought it was because ofother stressful things
like bathing aloneor being served
the wrong kind of tapioca.
But now I think back on it,
every incidentwas hatchet induced.
You know, I probably wouldn'teven be in this predicament
if there weren't so manyhatchets in this house.
I think we should justget rid of them.
- But, Albert,you don't understand.
I like hatchets.- I know you do.
But you live with a manwho doesn't have the capacity
to be around one safely.
I mean, how many peopleand servants have to die
before we realizeenough is enough?
- Wait, so you're sayingI should give up my hatchets
just because they causesome people to act violently?
- Yes, that's exactlywhat I'm saying.
- So what?First you take my hatchets,
then you take my buzzsaws.What's next?
My timber jigs?
Then how am I supposed tochop beaver carcasses
or defend myself in a mutiny?
- You can use a gun to mutiny.
- That would take foreverto load.
- Darling, I'm just sayingthat I think this house
would be a lot safer,especially my misbehaving hand,
if we got ridof the hatchets.
Or institute some kindof waiting period
so I can get my head onstraight.
- Albert, that's crazy.
Every man, some children,and me
should be armedwith a hatchet.
I mean, think about it.If you'd had a hatchet,
you could have killed yourattacker before he killed you.
- I'm not dead.He didn't kill me.
- Or you could have thrownyour hatchet
at Frederick's hatchetand stopped it in mid-air.
The no one would have died.- No one did die.
- Either way, the point ishatchets don't kill people.
People without hatchets dobecause they basically
kill themselvesby not having hatchets.
Think about it.
Have you ever seen a dead bodywith a hatchet in its hand?