Pete Holmes - Taking Off the Condom

  • Season 4 , Ep 3
  • 08/09/2013
  • Views: 35,315

Pete Holmes does not have a great strategy for discussing prophylactic use. (1:16)

-I've had- I've had sex.

[applause]

-What an odd job.

Thank you.

Good night.

How did he close?

He just told us he had had sex,and he walked off the stage.

[audience laughter]

I have had sex.

It's wonderful.

You should give ita whirl (CHUCKLES).

I always use a condom, exceptwhen you start seeing somebody.

It's one of the funniestthings about being an adult,

is the conversationyou have with somebody

once you becomeexclusive, as to whether

or not going tocontinue using condoms.

Because, if you'relike me, you never

do it, like,responsibly, over brunch.

It's a hard thing to bring up,just like (SERIOUS VOICE), "So,

what do you think aboutour overall strategy?"

If you're anything likeme, it's not like that.

You wait until the last second.

You're already wearing a condom.

You're about to have sex again,and then the girl's very vague.

She's like, "You know, eh,I mean, eh, it's fine."

I [bleep] Bobcat Goldthwait.

That's what that is.

I can't get hard if youweren't in Police Academy.

It's a weird thing.

Or lie about beingin Police Academy.

It's a weird thing about me.

It's always that, andI always act like it's

the furth- the furthestthing from my mind.

I'm like (DUMB VOICE),"Oh, these come off?

There's another way?"

[audience laughter]

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