I travel a lotfor a living.
You can probably tell by my lasttwo jokes I'm in cars a lot.
I'm also in airports a lot.
And something happenedin the TSA
in the last ten years where--
I like that they protect us.That's fine.
I have no issueswith airport security.
It's just they got creepy.
And I'll explain.
They used to call it a pat down.
They're like,"You got to get a pat down."
I'm like, "All right.Cool."
Now what do they call it?
A male-on-male assist.
There's just something offwith that.
There's somethingthat doesn't sit right with me.
Like, they're like,"Come with me."
I'm like, "Why?"
They're like,"Male-on-male assist."
I'm like,"What's about to go down, dude?
What is that?What's happening?"
And some dude comes outthat you haven't seen yet.
He's a new guy.He's, like, a different guy.
He's the male-on-male guy.
He's like, "All right.
I'm the guy.What's up?"
He puts on gloves.
He's like, "All right,let's do this."
I'm like, "Did you just say,'Let's do this'?"
And then he rubs you.
He rubs your legs, your body,which is cool.
That's all right.It's fine.
That's not the creepy part.
The creepy part is, legally now,for some reason,
they have to ask you permissionfor every hand stroke.
Like that's gonna make itbetter?
It makes it horrifying.
They're like, "I'm about to rubthe outside of your leg.
Is that okay?"
I'm like, "Dude,don't make this my fault."
"Like, if you're gonna touch me,just do it, man.
Don't make me agree to it."
It's happened to me a few times.
I felt dirty, you know,take a hot shower.
I felt bad about myself.
My mom never raised meto be a victim.
My mom's a strong woman.
She told me to turn the tables
on peoplethat make you feel weak.
So now I make him feel weird,
because I geta little too into it.
I've done this before.
He's like, "I'm about to rubthe inside of your leg.
Is that okay?"
"You're goddamn rightthat's okay.
"No, you look at mewhen you do it.
"No, you look at me rightin the eye
"until you findwhat you're looking for, bud.
"Yeah, that's good.That's good.
That's nice.That's nice."
Like, don't be too over the topabout it.
Just be a little like,"No, that's good.
You're thorough.I like that."
I've done this,I've really done that,
and they don't react.
They're just like, "All right.You're good to go."
I'm like, "You knowwhat just happened."