All right, let's-let's move on,let's move on now from Indians
to a people who are mistakenfor Indians.
Uh, which by the way is,I think, a lesson for everybody.
If someone gets your name wrong,
you correct that (bleep)right away.
Because otherwiseit can get dire real fast.
Native Americans were superfriendly. They're like, "Hey,
I'm not actually Indian, butI don't want to embarrass him
"in front of all of his ships.I... I'll tell him later.
What's the worstthat could happen?"
Anyway, as-as you may haveheard, since April of this year,
Native Americans in North Dakotahave been protesting
over the Dakota Access Pipeline,which you may have spotted
online, either on your Facebookfeed or on Woke Jeopardy!
Uh... The way Americais screwing over
Native Americansfor the 200th year in a row.
What is Dakota Access Pipeline?
But in caseyou haven't heard about it,
here's what's going on.The Standing Rock Sioux Tribe
has been protestingto block the completion
of an interstate oil pipelinethat an energy company
plans to routeunder their ancestral land.
And there's two reasons, uh,that they're trying to block it.
One, the land is sacred to them.Right? And it's their land.
And two, they are worriedabout the oil pipe leaking
and contaminatingthe Missouri River,
which is theirmain water source.
Oh, oh, and there'sanother reason. And that is
it's hella disrespectful tolay pipe in someone else's yard.
Now, in clashes with the policeand private security,
the protesters have endureddog attacks, tear gas,
uh, water cannonsand even Jill Stein.
Now, to be fair,transporting oil by pipeline
is much saferthan some alternatives,
such as trucks or rail.
And it's actually far moreefficient than the method
from the '80s, which was,uh, commonly by fanny pack.
And once you hear fromthe head of the pipeline,
uh, you will-you will haveno concerns whatsoever.
It's thick-walled steel pipe,it's buried, let's say,
at about four...uh, four feet underground.
Uh, absent, uh, human error...
And what I mean by thatis absent someone digging
into the pipeline--which does occur, even though
there's signs that will beeverywhere that say
"Before digging,please call this number,"
people still do those kindof things from time to time.
And-and so, most leaksare caused by human error.
So, that's number one. But ourpipeline is very, very safe.
Well, that's good news.That's good news.
We only have to worry abouthumans not making mistakes.
Yeah, yeah. I like "thof" odds.Sorry-- "those" odds. (bleep)
Mistakes. Uh, so, look, theoil pipeline is-is super safe.
People need to stop stressingout. Like, it's safe.
It's one of the safest waysyou can transport oil.
Stop stressing out, all right?The only question I have is,
uh, if it's super,super, super safe...
then how do you explain this?
REPORTER: The pipeline's original path
crossed the Missouri River just north of Bismarck,
a city that is 90% white.
But when concerns were raised about a potential oil spill
there, the pipeline was rerouted south
to go under the river,
right next to the Standing Rock Reservation.
That's right.This pipeline is NSFW.
Not safe for whites.
Now-now, look, now, look,I joke about this,
but I-I actually don't thinkit's a racial thing.
It's a numbers thing.Because it's true that
more people live near Bismarck,so if the pipeline
was routed there, it would havepassed closer to more homes
and it would have needed tocross water sources more times.
And because we love fossilfuels, the fact is the pipe
has to go somewhere.I mean, what are we gonna do,
just not use oil?Come on, that's just possible.
And, uh...I don't want to be unfair.
-I don't want to be unfair.-(cheering, applause)
But it's just interesting to methat the people
with the longest history ofgetting (bleep) over in America
are the oneswho are getting (bleep) over.
Like, this is the conversation.The conversation seems to go,
"The pipelineis completely safe."
And it's like,well, why didn't you build it
under the white people's houses?
"Well, because it might leak."
So it's not safe, it's just safeenough for the Native Americans.
"No, it's not a race thing,it's that if the pipe leaks,
there's fewer of themthan of us."
And why are therefewer of them?
America has spent centuriesmoving native peoples
from place to place.Maybe just this one time,
you can be the ones who move.