Greg Giraldo - Money for Education

  • Season 8 , Ep 18
  • 04/01/2004
  • Views: 12,365

If we keep coddling children, we could end up destroying the nation's porn industry. (2:04)

EDUCATIONTHAT'S ALWAYS THE BIG ISSUE.

WE NEED MORE MONEY FOR THE SCHOOLS.

WE NEED TO SPEND MORE MONEY ON THE KIDS.

YOU EVER THINK MAYBE THE DAMN KIDS AREN'T WORTH IT?

YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT?

[LAUGHTER] MAYBE IT'S NOT THE MONEY.

MAYBE WE DON'T NEED MORE MONEY FOR THE SCHOOLS.

MAYBE SOME OF THE KIDS JUST SUCK.

WELL, LIKE, WELL, HOW ABOUTSOME OF THESE INNER CITY

SCHOOLS WHERE THE KIDS AREN'T HAVE ENOUGH MONEY?

IS IT THE MONEY OR IS IT THEFACT THAT IT'S HARD TO LEARN

WHEN A PACK OF LATIN KINGS IS YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

[LAUGHTER]WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO

BUY A SPRINKLER SYSTEM?

I GUESS THAT WOULD HELP.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES] MAYBE WE DON'T NEED MORE MONEY

FOR THE SCHOOLS.

MAYBE WE JUST NEED TO SET SOME STANDARDS AND STOP CODDLING

THESE DAMN KIDS.

IT'S ALL ABOUT SELF-ESTEEM IN THE SCHOOLS.

BUILD THEIR SELF-ESTEEM.

MAKE THEM FEEL GOOD ABOUT THEMSELVES.

FIRST OF ALL, IF EVERYBODY GROWS UP WITH HIGH

SELF-ESTEEM, WHO'S GOING TO DANCE IN OUR STRIP CLUBS?

WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN THERE?

[LAUGHTER] WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO OUR

PORNO INDUSTRY?

THESE WOMEN DON'T JUST GROW ON TREES.

[LAUGHTER] YOU NEED A LOT OF DRUNK DADDIES

MISSING A LOT OF DANCE RECITALS BEFORE HE DECIDES

HE'S GOING TO BLOW A GOAT ON THE INTERNET FOR 50 BUCKS

A POP.

AND IF THAT-- [LAUGHTER]

AND IF THAT DRIES UP...

[APPLAUSE] LOOK AT WHAT THEY'RE DOING

WITH DODGE BALL.

THEY TOOK DODGE BALL OUT OF THE SCHOOLS.

DODGE BALL IS BAD FOR THE KIDSBECAUSE IT FORCES THE STRONG

TO TARGET THE WEAK.

WELL, THAT'S PART OF GROWING UP.

PART OF GROWING UP IS LEARNING YOUR STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES.

WHAT BETTER WAY TO FIGURE OUT THAN HAND-EYE COORDINATION

AIN'T YOUR THING LIKE GETTING DRILLED IN THE MOUTH WITH A

RED RUBBER BALL?

[LAUGHTER] YOU'VE ONLY GOT TO GET BEANED

IN THE FACE SO MANY TIMES BEFORE YOU FIGURE OUT I BETTER HIT THE

BOOKS BECAUSE THIS IS NOT WORKING OUT.

[LAUGHTER]THERE WAS THIS SCHOOL IN

NEW YORK WHERE THEY TRIED TO BAN MOTHER'S DAY.

THEY WANTED TO BAN MOTHER'S DAY ARTWORK WOULD BE UPSETTING TO

CHILDREN FROM NON-TRADITIONAL FAMILIES.

THAT'S WHAT IT'S COME TO.

MOTHER'S DAY IS CONTROVERSIAL.

WHY DON'T WE GET RID OF EVERY HOLIDAY?

LET'S GET RID OF THANKSGIVING, RIGHT?

THAT ARTWORK HAS TO BE UPSETTING TO CHILDREN WHO ARE MISSING

FINGERS.

THAT HAS TO SUCK.

[LAUGHTER] EVERY YEAR, EVERYBODY ELSE HAS

THAT PERFECT LITTLE TURKEY TRACER CARD, YOU KNOW?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]IT'S NOT BAD ENOUGH YOUR

FATHER MAKES YOU WORK THE DELI SLICER.

NOW YOU'VE GOT A TURKEY THATLOOKS LIKE ITS TAIL FEATHERS

WERE BLOWN OFF.

WHAT KIND OF GARBAGE HOLIDAY-- [KIDS VOICE] HEY,

HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

MY TURKEY LOOKS LIKE IT LIVES NEAR A NUCLEAR PLANT.

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