Greg Giraldo - Money for Education

  • Season 8 , Ep 18
  • 04/01/2004
  • Views: 12,310

If we keep coddling children, we could end up destroying the nation's porn industry. (2:04)

THAT'S ALWAYS THE BIG ISSUE.

WE NEED MORE MONEY FOR THE

SCHOOLS.

WE NEED TO SPEND MORE MONEY ON

THE KIDS.

YOU EVER THINK MAYBE THE DAMN

KIDS AREN'T WORTH IT?

YOU EVER THINK ABOUT THAT?

[LAUGHTER]

MAYBE IT'S NOT THE MONEY.

MAYBE WE DON'T NEED MORE MONEY

FOR THE SCHOOLS.

MAYBE SOME OF THE KIDS JUST

SUCK.

WELL, LIKE, WELL, HOW ABOUT

SOME OF THESE INNER CITY

SCHOOLS WHERE THE KIDS AREN'T

HAVE ENOUGH MONEY?

IS IT THE MONEY OR IS IT THE

FACT THAT IT'S HARD TO LEARN

WHEN A PACK OF LATIN KINGS IS

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO

BUY A SPRINKLER SYSTEM?

I GUESS THAT WOULD HELP.

[LAUGHTER CONTINUES]

MAYBE WE DON'T NEED MORE MONEY

FOR THE SCHOOLS.

MAYBE WE JUST NEED TO SET SOME

STANDARDS AND STOP CODDLING

THESE DAMN KIDS.

IT'S ALL ABOUT SELF-ESTEEM

IN THE SCHOOLS.

BUILD THEIR SELF-ESTEEM.

MAKE THEM FEEL GOOD ABOUT

THEMSELVES.

FIRST OF ALL, IF EVERYBODY

GROWS UP WITH HIGH

SELF-ESTEEM, WHO'S GOING TO

DANCE IN OUR STRIP CLUBS?

WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN THERE?

[LAUGHTER]

WHAT'S GOING TO HAPPEN TO OUR

PORNO INDUSTRY?

THESE WOMEN DON'T JUST GROW

ON TREES.

[LAUGHTER]

YOU NEED A LOT OF DRUNK DADDIES

MISSING A LOT OF DANCE

RECITALS BEFORE HE DECIDES

HE'S GOING TO BLOW A GOAT ON

THE INTERNET FOR 50 BUCKS

A POP.

AND IF THAT--

[LAUGHTER]

AND IF THAT DRIES UP...

[APPLAUSE]

LOOK AT WHAT THEY'RE DOING

WITH DODGE BALL.

THEY TOOK DODGE BALL OUT OF

THE SCHOOLS.

DODGE BALL IS BAD FOR THE KIDS

BECAUSE IT FORCES THE STRONG

TO TARGET THE WEAK.

WELL, THAT'S PART OF GROWING

UP.

PART OF GROWING UP IS LEARNING

YOUR STRENGTHS AND WEAKNESSES.

WHAT BETTER WAY TO FIGURE OUT

THAN HAND-EYE COORDINATION

AIN'T YOUR THING LIKE GETTING

DRILLED IN THE MOUTH WITH A

RED RUBBER BALL?

[LAUGHTER]

YOU'VE ONLY GOT TO GET BEANED

IN THE FACE SO MANY TIMES BEFORE

YOU FIGURE OUT I BETTER HIT THE

BOOKS BECAUSE THIS IS NOT

WORKING OUT.

[LAUGHTER]

THERE WAS THIS SCHOOL IN

NEW YORK WHERE THEY TRIED TO BAN

MOTHER'S DAY.

THEY WANTED TO BAN MOTHER'S DAY

ARTWORK WOULD BE UPSETTING TO

CHILDREN FROM NON-TRADITIONAL

FAMILIES.

THAT'S WHAT IT'S COME TO.

MOTHER'S DAY IS CONTROVERSIAL.

WHY DON'T WE GET RID OF EVERY

HOLIDAY?

LET'S GET RID OF THANKSGIVING,

RIGHT?

THAT ARTWORK HAS TO BE UPSETTING

TO CHILDREN WHO ARE MISSING

FINGERS.

THAT HAS TO SUCK.

[LAUGHTER]

EVERY YEAR, EVERYBODY ELSE HAS

THAT PERFECT LITTLE TURKEY

TRACER CARD, YOU KNOW?

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

IT'S NOT BAD ENOUGH YOUR

FATHER MAKES YOU WORK THE DELI

SLICER.

NOW YOU'VE GOT A TURKEY THAT

LOOKS LIKE ITS TAIL FEATHERS

WERE BLOWN OFF.

WHAT KIND OF GARBAGE HOLIDAY--

[KIDS VOICE] HEY,

HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

MY TURKEY LOOKS LIKE IT LIVES

NEAR A NUCLEAR PLANT.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING.

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