T.J. Miller - Nitrous Oxide

  • Season 1 , Ep 3
  • 10/23/2012
  • Views: 7,906

T.J. Miller always wanted a police officer to catch him doing whippets. (1:00)

- I LIKE DOING NITROUS OXIDE.

YOU EVER DO WHIPPETS?

IF YOU'RE A HOUSEWIFE,

AND YOU'RE BOREDOR FRUSTRATED

WITH YOUR FAMILY,

NEXT TIMEYOU'RE GROCERY SHOPPING,

I WOULD GOTO THE DAIRY AISLE,

GRAB A CANISTEROF WHIPPED CREAM--

DON'T SHAKE IT--AND THEN--

[whooshing]

AND THEN HAVETHE BEST GROCERY SHOPPING DAY

OF YOUR LIFE.

'CAUSE I DON'T KNOWIF YOU KNOW THIS,

BUT WHEN YOU--WHEN YOU DO NITROUS OXIDE,

IT LOWERS YOUR VOICE

'CAUSE IT'S THE OPPOSITEOF HELIUM,

WHICH CONTRACTSYOUR VOCAL CHORDS.

IT EXPANDS THEM.

AND IT ONLY LASTSABOUT 12 SECONDS.

I'VE ALWAYS WANTEDTO GET CAUGHT DOING IT

BY A POLICE OFFICER.

I KNOW THAT SOUNDS WEIRD,BUT I THINK IT WOULD BE SO FUN.

HE'S LIKE, "HEY!

"ARE YOU GUYSDOING NITROUS OXIDE

IN THIS ALLEY?"

AND I GO--[whoosh]

[deep voice]"YEAH...

"AND IT'S THE BEST EVER!

"BUT WHAT ARE YOUGONNA DO ABOUT IT?

[normal voice]'CAUSE NOW IT'S GONE."

YEAH.

STICK IT TO THE MAN.

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