Asif Ali - Girls Love Spontaneous

  • Season 1 , Ep 4
  • 11/14/2013
  • Views: 3,600

Asif Ali explains the real reason why girls love spontaneous experiences. (2:35)

I DON'T KNOW IF YOU'VE EVER HADTHE UNFORTUNATE INCIDENT

OF MEETING YOUR GIRLFRIEND'SFRIENDS FOR THE FIRST TIME.

THEY FEEL LIKE THEY DISCOVEREDTHE DA VINCI CODE.

THEY COME UP TO YOU,THEY'RE LIKE,

"OH...SO YOU'RE DATING SUSAN.

"OK. WOW.YOU SEE, THIS IS THE GUY.

WOW. HERE WE GO."

THAT'S FINE.

I DON'T THINK WE'RE DATINGBASED OFF OF TIME.

WE'RE REALLY DATINGAS A UNIT

WHEN I CAN'T AFFORDTO BUY YOU DINNER ANYMORE.

THAT'S WHENWE'RE REALLY DATING.

BECAUSE WHAT IS ITUP UNTIL THEN?

IT'S JUST TWO PEOPLEHANGING OUT,

AND THEN ONE PERSON'SLOSING ALL OF HIS SAVINGS.

THAT'S ALL IT IS.[cheers and applause]

WE'RE REALLY DATING WHENWE HAVE TO SIT IN MY APARTMENT

AND THEN YOU TELL ME IDEASON WHAT YOU WANT TO DO TONIGHT

AND THEN I SAY NOTO ALL OF THEM.

AND TO BE HONEST WITH YOU,

THAT'S WHY GIRLSDON'T DATE POOR GUYS.

IT GETS TOO REALTOO QUICKLY.

COUPONS ON THE FIRST DATE?GET THE [bleep] OUTTA HERE.

YOU KNOW WHY?IT RUINS THE ONE THING

ALL GIRLS LIKE:SPONTANEOUS.

GIRLS LOVE SPONTANEOUS!

AND THE SAD PART IS

WHEN THEY WANT SOMETHINGSPONTANEOUS TO HAPPEN,

THEY DON'T EVEN WANT ITFOR THE EXPERIENCE

THAT WE'RE HAVING AS A COUPLE,THEY JUST WANT IT

SO THEY COULDHAVE A BETTER STORY

THAN THEIR [bleep]ING FRIENDS.

SO THEY'LL JUST BEHANGING OUT AT BRUNCH

OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT,

AND THE GIRL THAT KNOWSSHE HAS A GOOD STORY

IS LIKE--SHE KNOWS.

SHE'S TELLING EVERYONETO SHUT UP.

YOU KNOW, SHE'S LIKE,

"NANCY, PUT--PUT YOUR MENU DOWN.

"SUSAN, PUT YOURMIMOSA DOWN, 'KAY?

"THIS STORY'S GONNAEXPLODE YOUR BRAINS, 'KAY?

"SO I'VE BEEN DATING MIKE FOR,LIKE, TWO WEEKS, RIGHT?

"HE TELLS ME, 'LET'S GOTO THE GROCERY STORE.'

"I SAY, 'WAIT, LET ME PUT ONMY YOGA PANTS,' OKAY?

"WE GET IN THE CAR, WE DON'TGO TO THE GROCERY STORE.

"WE GO TOSANTA MONICA AIRPORT,

"GET ON A TINY BIPLANE,

GO TO WINE COUNTRY,RIDE HORSES."

SPONTANEOUS!

NOW, AT THIS POINT,EVERY OTHER GIRL AT THIS TABLE--

THEIR BRAIN HAS EXPLODED.

THEY'RE JUST LIKE,"AAH! GOD DAMN IT!

SO SPONTANEOUS!"

THEY'RE, LIKE,PUSHING EACH OTHER,

THROWING CREPESIN THE AIR.

IT'S MADNESS.

THE WORST PART ABOUT THATIS ALL THE GIRLS WHO DID NOT

HAVE THAT SPONTANEOUS THINGHAPPEN TO THEM--

THEY ALL LEAVE,BUT NOW WITH THIS AMMUNITION

FOR A FIGHTWITH THEIR BOYFRIEND

WHO DOES NOT EVEN KNOWTHIS EXISTS.

SO THERE'S JUST A GUYLIKE ME, JUST AT HOME.

AND MY GIRLFRIEND COMES IN,I'M LIKE,

[tiny voice]"HEY, HONEY, HOW ARE YOU DOING?"

"HOW AM I DOING?

I'M NOT IN A [bleep]ING BIPLANE,IS HOW I'M DOING!"

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