Carlos Alazraqui - Cheerleaders

  • Season 8 , Ep 10
  • 02/26/2004
  • Views: 5,797

If cheerleaders affected the outcomes of battles, the Native Americans would still be here today. (2:01)

SPEAKING OF BATTLES I WATCHED

PRO FOOTBALL.

I LOVE--

THE 49ERS SUCK, THEY'RE DONE.

PRO FOOTBALL IS GREAT.

I LOVE IT.

I-- AND PARDON ME FOR SOUNDING

MISOGYNISTIC BUT I DON'T THINK

CHEERLEADERS ARE NECESSARY AT

A PRO LEVEL OF SPORTS.

I LOVE 'EM BUT THEY DON'T AFFECT

THE OUTCOME OF THE GAME.

"JOHNSON IS AUTOMALIZING AT

THE GOAL LINE AND OH, THERE'S

A POM-POM.

HE'S GONNA PASS."

[LAUGHTER]

DOESN'T WORK THAT WAY.

PRO FOOTBALL IS A BATTLE.

THEY'RE MOTIVATED BY VICADIN

AND ROAD SKANK.

[LAUGHTER]

I DON'T THINK CHOREOGRAPHY

AND GLITTER IS GONNA PUSH 'EM

INTO THE PAINT.

IT'S A BATTLE.

IT IS LIKE BRAVE HEART.

AND PARDON ME, I NEVER SAW THE

CHEERLEADERS IN THAT ONE SCENE.

[SCOTTISH ACCENT]

"FIGHT AND YOU WILL DIE."

"RUN AWAY AND YOU'LL LIVE--

AT LEAST A WHILE."

"AND DYING IN YOUR--

AND DY--

WHAT THE HELL?

LET'S GO SCOTLAND LET'S GO

SCOT--

[SOUND OF ARROW BEING FIRED]

"OH, JIMMY.

[LAUGHTER]

WE'VE GOT SPIRIT, YES WE DO.

WE'VE GOT SPIRIT, HOW 'BOUT

YOU?"

[LAUGHTER]

IF CHEERLEADERS AFFECTED THE

OUTCOMES OF BATTLES THE NATIVE

AMERICANS WOULD STILL BE HERE

TODAY.

"YES, IF ONLY WE WOULD HAVE

GIVEN OUR SQUAWS POM-POMS

AND SHORT SKIRTS WE WOULD HAVE

DEFEATED THE WHITE MAN.

THEIR SHEER NUMBERS AND

GUNPOWDER WOULD HAVE BEEN

NO MATCH FOR OUR TEAM SPIRIT.

[LAUGHTER]

QUICK, THE CAVALRY COMES IN

MANY NUMBERS.

LET US BUILD A GIANT HUMAN

PYRAMID.

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

LIGHT AS A FEATHER, CLIMB ON

MY BACK.

[LAUGHTER]

JAW LIKE A MOOSE, LET OUT A

MIGHTY YELL.

R-O-W-D-I-E

THAT'S THE WAY

WE SPELL ROWDIE,

ROWDIE."

[LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE]

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