Dane Cook - Public Restroom

  • Season 1 , Ep 5
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 54,343

Why is everything wet in a public restroom? (1:43)

(Dane Cook)I HAD TO USE THEPUBLIC RESTROOM TODAY.

FIRST QUESTION, WHY DOTHEY CALL IT THE RESTROOM?

IS THERE ANYBODY JUSTRESTING IN THIS ROOM?

IS THERE ANYBODYWALKING IN...

(Dane Cook)HERE'S MY QUESTION, WHY?

OKAY, WHY WHEN YOUUSE THE PUBLIC RESTROOM,

WHY IS EVERYTHING WET?

EVERYTHING IS WET.

THE COUNTER IS SOAKING,THERE ARE PUDDLES,

WATER IS DRIPPING, WASTHERE, LIKE, A SHAGGY DOG

IN THERE AFTERA BATH, LIKE...

(Dane Cook)GOD FORBID YOU HAVE TOUSE THE STALL, YOU KNOW?

YOU GET IN THERE,FIRST OF ALL,

YOU LOOK AT THE SEATAND YOU'RE LIKE, "AAAAH."

"AAAAH."

ONCE YOU DEAL WITH THAT,THEN YOU'RE SITTING THERE,

AND YOU, YOU KNOW, YOUTRY TO, YOU KNOW,

CLOSE THE-CLOSETHE DOOR, YA KNOW,

WHICH IS LIKEHANGING... IT'S...

WHO THE HELL IS GOINGINTO A BATHROOM LIKE...

"AAAAH (bleep),I'VE GOTTA CRAP!

AAAAH."

YOU'RE SITTING THERE,YOU START READING--

YOU START READING ALL THIS,

THE MOST NEGATIVE,IGNORANT CRAP.

AND IT'S NOT--NO, IT'S NOTJUST WRITTEN, IT'S CARVED.

WHO THE HELL IS SITTINGON THE TOILET LIKE...

"(bleep) JEWS, BLACKS."

AND THIS IS MY FAVORITE,ALWAYS ON THE WALL,

SOMEBODY HAS TO WRITE,"MIKE WAS HERE,"

BUT THEN SOMEBODY ELSEPUTS AN ARROW AND WRITES,

"MIKE IS A (bleep)."

YA KNOW, LIKE MIKE IS COMIN'BACK TO CHECK IT OUT LIKE...

WHAT THE HELL?

I WAS HERE, BUTI'M NOT A (bleep).

JESUS.

I'M TRYING TO MAKEA STATEMENT HERE.

(bleep) JEWS.

Loading...