Josh Sneed - Montana Flea Market

  • Season 11 , Ep 18
  • 03/29/2007
  • Views: 8,522

Josh is disgusted at a flea market. (2:16)

THAT STATE-- WE SHOULD JUST GIVE IT TO CANADA

IN EXCHANGE FOR FREE HEALTHCARE 'CAUSE THERE'S NOTHING TO DO.

YOU KNOW I NEED NIGHTLIFE. THAT'S HOW I FEEL.

- AND AH, YEAH.- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

THE ONE THING I DID ENJOY ABOUT MONTANA WAS ON SATURDAY MORNING

THEY TOOK ME TO A FLEA MARKET FOR THE FIRST TIME.

NOW HOW MANY PEOPLE HAVE EVER BEEN TO A FLEA MARKET?

- [CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]- OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

FOR THE REST OF YOU, IF YOU'RE EVER FEELING DOWN ABOUT YOURSELF,

GO TO A FLEA MARKET. LIKE IF SPRINGER'S NOT ON

AND "BIG LOTS" IS CLOSED, JUST GO TO A FLEA MARKET;

'CAUSE THERE'S NOT THAT MUCH WHITE TRASH IN A DUMPSTER

BEHIND A PAPER PLATE FACTORY.THIS PLACE IS AWESOME.

I MEAN, WHERE ELSE CAN YOU PICK UP YAEGERMISTER, FIREWORKS

AND A COLD SOREIN THE SAME TRANSACTIONTHAN AT A FLEA MARKET?

AND THE PEOPLE WATCHING IS SECOND TO NONE.

I DON'T KNOW IF ANYONE ENJOYS PEOPLE WATCHING QUITE AS MUCH AS I DO.

IT'S A WONDERFUL HOBBY. IT'S FREE TO JUST SIT THERE WITH SOMEONE YOU LOVE

AND TALK ABOUT THE HUMAN CRAP WALKING BY.

THE FLEA MARKET IS PRIME PICKINGS, BUDDY.TAKE A CAMERA.

YOU'RE GONNA SEE SOMETHING YOU LIKE.

IN MONTANA WAS A WOMAN--SHE WAS WALKING AROUND.

SHE HAD A BABY ON HER HIP WEARING NOTHING BUT A DIAPER AND A KOOL-AID MOUTH.

AND MEANWHILE, HER BELLY IS SPILLING OUT THE BOTTOM

OF A SKINTIGHT RAGGEDY T-SHIRT THAT SAYS, "YOU WISH YOU COULD."

AND I'M LIKE, "UH-- I THINK SOMEONE ALREADY HAS.

"YOU KNOW-- MANY TIMES-- PROBABLY AGAINST YOUR WILL.

"I'LL GIVE YOU THAT.

"BUT THERE'S NO EXCUSE FOR WHAT I'M LOOKING AT RIGHT NOW, LADY.

WHERE ARE YOUR FRIENDS?"

HAVE YOU EVER SEEN SOMEONE SO HEINOUS,

YOU WANNA WALK UP TO THEM AND GO, "EXCUSE ME. "WHERE ARE YOUR FRIENDS?"

LIKE WHO DO I BLAME FOR THIS BEING IN PUBLIC RIGHT NOW?

WHO SAID TO YOU"OKAY. YOU'RE READY. LET'S GO."

'CAUSE I'D LIKE TO HAVE A WORD WITH THEM.

APPARENTLY THEY'VE RUN OUT OF SHAME.

I'M A GOOD FRIEND. I AM.I LET MY BUDDIES KNOW

IF THEY HAVE SOMETHING IN THEIR TEETH OR THEIR NOSE.

AND IF I WOULD'VE KNOWN THAT WOMAN, I WOULD'VE BEEN LIKE,

"PEGGY, YOU NEED TO PUT THAT AWAY,

"'CAUSE NO ONE WANTS TO LOOK AT THAT, ALL RIGHT? COVER UP YOUR STOMACH, TOO."

BEAUSE IT WAS AN UGLY BABY, SWEET JESUS.

AND FAT. TALK ABOUT A DOUBLE WAMMY.

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