Ryan Belleville - Not Tough

Season 2, Ep 0204 07/05/2007 Views: 1,193

Ryan Belleville looks like a hobbit. (2:55)

(woman whoops)

(loud grunt)

Um, yeah!


That guy!That guy!

(Belleville and others whoop)

This guy right here!

(people whoop)You're just looking at me like,

"He looks like a hobbit.Look at him!

Little hobbity fellowwith his little hair and..."

I don't mind, I'm not tough.

Come, let us awayto the shire, friends.

Ladies, I've gotgiant hairy feet.

I am very hobbity.

I'm not the guywho's gonna be attacking Orcs

with a giant sword, going,"Come on, bring it on!"

I'm gonna be the guyunder the table, crying,

hugging you, going,"I miss home, I miss home, Sam.

Do you rememberthe taste of strawberries?"

That's me.

I'm not tough.

Though I look tough in a kindof Clay Aiken-y kind of way.

I don't have the toughness.Are you with me?

Of course you are.

Uh, this is so...You guys are all drinking.

New York is a placewhere you just kind of...

(whoops):drink a lot.

(people whooping)'Cause you...

Exactly. It's New York.

You don't do...you're not, like,

"I'm in Wichita!Let's get hammered!"

But New York, it's a placewhere you're, like,

"Let's go crazy."

Well, had a little too muchto drink last night,

and I had a pretty bad hangover,and I don't mind hangovers

except for the fact that

it's merely a physical reminderthat you accomplished

nothing productivethe night before.

That's all it is, is your mind

just kind of kicking you, going,"You idiot!"

You never wake up,and you're, like, "Oh, no,

I finished my taxes!"


"Thanks, Johnny Walker."



It's always, like,"Oh, I (bleep) the bed.

"I (bleep) the bed again.

That was a bender."

Do you think that pigs are awareof how delicious they are?

'Cause bacon's delicious.Isn't bacon tasty?

Everybody loves bacon,even vegetarians--

they smell bacon,and they're, like,

"Oh, that's the one smellI miss-- bacon!

"Oh, I'd suck a (bleep)for bacon right now!

I would love some bacon!"

Everybody likes...Bacon'll make you order meat

you didn't even want

in the first place.

You're just, like,"You want the chicken sandwich?"

"Not a big fan of ch...""It comes with bacon."

"You know,I might give that a shot.

That sounds likeit's right up my alley."

And pigs are, like, 90% bacon.

You're 90% the most delicioussubstance on the planet.

Pigs are like giant bacon canswalking to Flavor Town.

That's got to suck.

Do you think a pig

ever licks himself to seewhat all the hype's about?

You think... has that ever...?

It's, like, (snorts),

"Why you eating meall the time?

Ah, 'cause I'm delicious!That's why!"


(scattered clapping)

"I'm way too tasty to live!"


That's why pigs are brilliant,

and they cover themselvesin (bleep).