Uncensored - Speed Roasting - UFC Fighters

Week of 9/17/2012 - Schumer, Peretti, Stevens, Celeste Season 1, Ep 6 09/18/2012 Views: 44,719

With some assistance from Amy Schumer, Chelsea Peretti and Brody Stevens, Jeff burns two buff UFC fighters in the audience. (2:20)

Who feels like gettin speedroasted this week?

There's a guy right here.

Stand up if that's--if that's-- if you can.

Did you take the 405or the Oregon Trail?

-Why are you standing like this?

You don't havethe body for that.

-It's 'cause itadds stunt double.

-It's my mom'spussy in the '70s.

-Is this true?

This is AriannyCeleste from the UFC.

You're an octagon ring girl?

Check out those MMA cups.


I'd like to get in thering with you, toots.

-I'm pretty good, actually.


I'm too distracted.

You guys have to make the jokes.

-There's so much to dig into.

You're a mess.

-She's so hot, I want tobeat me into submission.

-What do they do?

-Uh, I think he's a fighter.

-Stand up, sir.

What's your name?

Miguel Torres.

-Miguel Torres.

You recognize this guy?

-I work at Taco Bell.

-You work at Ta--what do you, uh--

what's your weight category?



What's your record?

-Uh, 45--

-I mean criminal.

-You like tough guys, ladies?

ROASTER 1: Absolutely.

ROASTER 2: I'll fuck anyone.

-I didn't realize UFC stoodfor ugly fucking Chicanos.

Oh, it's just tooeasy sometimes.

I don't even want tofucking talk to this guy.

What's going on, man?

-Not much.

-Love you in thoseKool-Aid commercials.

I don't know why I even bother.

-Are you a professorof some kind or--?

-I'm an electrical engineer.

-I don't know what that means.

-Me neither.

-Why don't you try plugginginto an elliptical trainer

or something?

-Where'd you get that shirt?

Rosie O'Donnell's house?

-How you doing, man?

What's your name?



How's it going with you?

ROASTER 1: Not"Sharon" your food.

Is that all right?


-That might have been myfavorite joke of the season.

Thank you to allof my volunteers

for being good sports.

That's it for speed roasting.

I love you guys.