TODAY'S TOPIC IS
GO...
O-O-O-O-O-O...
O-O-O-O-O-O...
O-O-O-O-O-OALS.
GOALS.WE ALL HAVE GOALS, DON'T WE?
- I WANT TO BE A REAL BOY.
- I WANT TO BE PRESIDENTOF UNITED STATES.
- [whispering indistinctly]
- DOUG WANTS TO STAB THINGS.
- ALL ADMIRABLE DREAMS.
HOWEVER, SINCE THE ADVENTOF NUVASOUL,
MANY PEOPLE ARE TAKINGA SHORTCUT TO SUCCESS...
[cell phone vibrating]
BY SELLING THEIR SOULS,LIKE DUSTIN HERE.
- I'M SIX MINUTES LATEFOR MY INTERVIEW WITH SEACREST.
CAN WE SPEED THIS UP?
- "INTERVIEW," RIGHT.
- YOU'RE NOT GOING ANYWHERETILL YOUR SOUL CONTRACT
IS SIGNEDBY A LEGAL GUARDIAN.
THEM'S THE RULES.
- BUT MY PARENTS GAVE ME UP.I'M AN ORPHAN.
- MAYBE YOUR PARENTS SHOULD HAVEAPPRECIATED THE MIRACLE
OF HAVING A BABYWITH A PENIS!
[all gasp]
- HMM,KIND OF LOOKS LIKE
WE TAPPED INTO SOMETHING THERE.
- I WANTED A BOY, BUT VERACOULD NEVER STICK THE LANDING.
AFTER PUMPING OUT 15 GIRLS,
SHE FINALLY GAVE UPAND DITCHED ME
FOR "THE COUNT,"HER NEW VAMPIRE HUSBAND.
- I ALWAYS WANTEDA BUNCH OF SISTERS.
YOU KNOW,HELP ME WITH MY BANGS.
- I THINK YOU TWO MIGHT BE ABLETO HELP EACH OTHER.
- SO YOU'RE SAYING THATMY STRONG DESIRE FOR A SON...
- AND MY LEGAL NEEDFOR A PARENT...
both:ARE SOMEHOW RELATED?
- EXACTLY.EVERYONE WINS.
AH!
[groaning]
OKAY, I HAVE TO GOTO THE HOSPITAL NOW.
- THAT'S WHAT YOU GETFOR EATING IN THE COMMISSARY.
- OKAY, DO YOU NEED WATER?
ARE YOU COMFORTABLE?
DO YOU NEED A PILLOW?THEY HAVE PILLOWS HERE.
CAN SOMEBODYGET ME A PILLOW, PLEASE?
- AS YOUR NUVASOUL SALES REP,
WE APPRECIATE YOUSTICKING WITH NUVASOUL
AND NOT THOSE CRAPPY KNOCKOFFSLIKE SOULVITRA.
HERE, TAKE SOME FREE PENS.
- LEONARD, IS THATA NUVASOUL WINDBREAKER?
- YEAH, I DO SOME PHARM REPWORK ON THE SIDE.
I OWE A LOT OF BAD PEOPLEA LOT OF FILTHY MONEY.
- PEDDLING NUVASOUL?
I HATE TO SAY THIS,BUT I'M DISAPPOINTED IN YOU.
- WHAT?
OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.THIS IS TOTALLY BENEATH ME.
THERE'S GOT TO BE A BETTER WAYFOR ME TO EARN CASH ON THE SIDE.
THANKS, MARK.YOU'VE SET ME STRAIGHT.
- OW, HELPING HURTS.
- OKAY, OKAY.SQUEEZE MY HAND.
WE'RE ALMOST THERE.WHAT WAS THAT?
WHO DO I HAVE TO [bleep]TO GET A DOCTOR AROUND HERE?
- THAT WOULD BE ME.
- EH.