My friend told me I should
meditate to relax,and that's always weird.
First of all,you ever try to read a book
and the opening quotebefore the book even starts
is too much for youto understand?
My friend told meI should meditate,
so I went to the bookstore,I picked up the meditation book.
Page one, it said,"Only that day dawns
to which you are awake."
I was like... (exhales)
Well, this bookis for somebody else.
I'm having a panic attack
trying to break downthe first sentence
in this book.
EvidentlyI'm too dumb to meditate.
I didn't know that was possible.
My friend's like, "You haveanxiety? You should meditate."
Oh, I should sit alone
in a room with nothingbut my thoughts?
That's a cure for anxiety?
What's your cure for my ADD,Sudoku?
I don't really...
He goes, "Meditation's easy.
You just lay still with youreyes closed for, like, an hour."
I'm like, "Isn't that a nap?
That seems awfully similarto a nap to me."
He's like, "No, it's different.
You let your mind wanderwherever it goes."
I'm like,"Yeah, that's a dream.
"That is a nap featuring a dream
"that you're referring to.
"Been doing thatsince I was a fetus.
It doesn't helpwith my anxiety."
So now I just take naps
and then I tell peopleI meditated.
You can do that.
That's not against the rules.
If you tell people you nap,they think that you're lazy.
If you tell people you meditate,
they think thatyou're better than them.
It's kind of nice, you know?