Hugh Fink - Strikeout

  • Season 2 , Ep 6
  • 06/25/1999
  • Views: 4,603

Hugh Fink's date strikes out. (2:30)

AND IT'S NOT A STAGE NAME.

IT'S MY REAL NAME.

AS A KID I SAID, "HEY, DAD,IS HUGH SHORT FOR HUBERT?"

( as father ):NO, IT'S LONG FOR ( sniffs ).

I TOOK A FRENCH CLASSWHERE THEY HAD EVERYONE

SAY OUR NAMES OUT LOUDIN FRENCH.

AND MOST GUYS NAMESSOUNDED PRETTY COOL.

FRANK... FRANCOIS.

MIKE... MICHEL.

HUGH... UGH.

I LIKE WHEN YOU'RE DATING.

I WAS DATING SOMEONEI REALLY LIKED.

BUT YOU KNOW HOW SOMETIMESIN A MOMENT OF PASSION

THE REAL PERSON COMES OUT?

IT KIND OF FREAKS YOU OUT?

OH, YOU REALLY TURN ME ON.

OH, YES! OH, GOD! OH! OH!

THE JEWS CONTROL THE BANKSAND THE MEDIA!

( laughter )

I HATE WHEN YOU TAKE A WOMAN OUTTO A REALLY NICE PLACE--

SUDDENLY SHE REVEALS HOW TOTALLYCLASSLESS SHE IS, RIGHT?

THE MAITRE D' COMES OVER.

MADEMOISELLE, WE HAVETWO SALAD DRESSINGS--

EITHER THE HONEY DIJONOR HERB VINAIGRETTE.

WHICH WOULD YOU PREFER?

( with raspy voice ):RANCH!

I'D LIKE RANCH!

SEE, I'M AT THE POINT NOW

WHERE JUST BY TALKINGTO A WOMAN

I CANNOT ONLY TELLWHETHER SHE'S IN THE BALLPARK

BUT I FEEL LIKE I'M THE UMPIREOF THE CONVERSATION.

"YEAH, JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'TFINISH HIGH SCHOOL, YOU KNOW

DOESN'T MAKE ME STUPID."

STRIKE ONE.

"I JUST READ THISREALLY GOOD BOOK.

DIANETICS BY L. RON HUBBARD."

STRIKE TWO.

"I DON'T REALLY BELIEVEIN MARRIAGE.

I MEAN, WHAT'S WRONGWITH MEANINGLESS SEX?"

BALL.

"MY FANTASY IS TO BE INTIMATEWITH ANOTHER WOMAN..."

LOW AND AWAY.

"...WHILE SOME GUYI JUST MET WATCHES."

FULL COUNT.

"YEAH, I'VE BEEN IN THERAPYFOR, LIKE, SEVEN YEARS NOW..."

OOH, SWING AND A MISS.

" ...TRYING TO CUREMY NYMPHOMANIA."

BUT THE CATCHER DROPS THE BALL!

( applause )

SHE'S STILL ALIVE!

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