Kevin Nealon - Miss Always Right

  • Season 2 , Ep 1
  • 05/28/1999
  • Views: 4,845

Kevin Nealon discusses marriage. (2:52)

I'M GUESSING, UM...

TEN YEARS AGO?

'CAUSE I FINALLY METTHAT MISS RIGHT, YOU KNOW.

MISS ALWAYS RIGHT

AND, UH...

MARRIAGE IS GREAT.

IT'LL CALM YOU DOWN.

THAT AND NEUTERING--

THOSE TWO THINGS RIGHT THERE,YOU KNOW?

BUT I WAS AFRAIDI WASN'T GOING TO MEET HER.

I WAS GETTING OLDER

AND IT WAS HARD TO MEET SOMEONEWHO WAS SET IN MY WAYS.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

BUT I FINALLY MET HERAT A COSTUME PARTY.

SHE CAME AS A SLINKY.

THAT WAS HER OUTFIT, YOU KNOW.

BUT I REMEMBERTHE FIRST TIME I SAW HER.

SHE WAS COMING DOWN THE STAIRS,YOU KNOW? UNBELIEVABLE.

SHE WAS GREAT. SHE WAS LIKETAKING TWO AT A TIME

AND WE GOT TO TALKING

AND IT TURNS OUT THAT SHE WORKSAS A STUNTWOMAN IN HOLLYWOOD.

WHICH IS VERY CONVENIENTFOR ME, YOU KNOW.

LIKE AFTER A DATEWHEN I WENT TO DROP HER OFF

DIDN'T HAVE TO STOP THE CAROR ANYTHING.

RIGHT BY THE HOUSEAND SHE WAS GONE.

YOU KNOWWHAT'S HARD ABOUT DATING?

IT'S UNFAIR, YOU KNOW,WHEN YOU'RE ON A DATE.

LIKE... YOU KNOW THAT GIRLTHAT COMES AROUND

WITH A BASKET OF ROSES?

YOU REALLY FEELLIKE YOU'RE ON THE SPOT

TO GET ONE FOR YOUR DATE,AND THEY'RE SO EXPENSIVE.

IT'S LIKE EIGHT BUCKS EACH

AND WHAT IF YOU DON'T LIKETHE GIRL YOU'RE WITH?

YOU KNOW? I MEAN, YOU NEVERSEE A GUY COMING THROUGH

WITH A BUCKET OF TOOLS.

"HEY, YOU WANT TO BUY A WRENCHFOR YOUR DATE, MA'AM?"

I THINK IT'S UNFAIR, THAT'S ALL.

I REMEMBER THE FIRST DATEI EVER WENT OUT ON.

IT WAS IN HIGH SCHOOL.

HER NAME WAS MARGUERITE

AND SHE WAS KINDOF A HEAVY-SET GIRL.

I'M NOT A GOOD JUDGE ON WEIGHT.

I'D SAY PROBABLYABOUT 915 POUNDS.

WELL, I TOOK HER OUTON ONE DATE.

WE WENT OUT FOR A DINNERAND A MOVIE AND A DINNER

AND, UH...OH, IT WAS A GOOD TIME.

IT WAS A GOOD TIME

BUT I GOT HER HOME LATE

AND HER FATHER WAS WAITING UPIN THE DOORWAY

AND HE WAS LOOKINGTHROUGH THE PEEPHOLE.

SOMETIMES YOU CAN TELL

WHEN SOMEONE'S LOOKINGTHROUGH THE PEEPHOLE, YOU KNOW?

WITH HIM, IT WAS PRETTY EASY.

IT WAS AN ALL-GLASS DOORAND THEN A PEEPHOLE, YOU KNOW.

NOT A VERY GOOD INVESTMENT,YOU KNOW

BUT I NEVER SAW HER AGAINAFTER THAT.

SEE, MY FATHER NEVERGETS MAD AT ME.

HE CONTROLS HIS TEMPER.

HE'D JUST SLOWLY COUNT TO 100.

THEN HE'D LIFT MY HEAD UPOUT OF THE WATER...

THEN EVERYTHING WAS OKAY.

THEY HAVE FEMALE CONDOMS NOW.

HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT THIS?

APPARENTLY IT PREVENTS PREGNANCY

BY FITTING SNUGLYOVER THE WOMAN'S WINE GLASS.

HOW ABOUT THAT?

ABORTION'S A TOUCHY SUBJECT.

NOBODY LIKES TO TALK ABOUT THAT.

WHO KNOWS WHAT'S RIGHT OR WRONG?

I THINK THE BIG QUESTION IS,WHEN DOES LIFE ACTUALLY BEGIN?

NOW, WHAT WORRIES ME, IS A LOTOF PEOPLE SAY LIFE BEGINS AT 40.

OOH.

YOU GOT TO DRAW THE LINESOMEWHERE, YOU KNOW?

MY FRIEND'S HAVING A BABY.

SHE'S HAVING A C-SECTION.

I DON'T KNOW IF THOSE ARE GOODSEATS OR HOW FAR BACK THEY ARE

BUT, YOU KNOW, YOU GOT TO...

YOU GOT TO TAKE WHATYOU CAN GET, I GUESS, YOU KNOW?

THEY CAN TELL WHAT THE SEXOF THE BABY IS GOING TO BE

BEFORE IT'S EVEN BORN.

HOW COOL IS THAT?

COURSE THE ONLY PROBLEM NOW

IS FINDING OUT WHAT THE SEXOF THE BABY'S GOING TO BE

LATER ON IN LIFE, YOU KNOW.

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