The Roast of Twayne the Bone Raper

  • Season 2 , Ep 214
  • 03/21/2012
  • Views: 34,159

Everyone is up on the dais at Twayne's roast, including the Queen of Mean, Lisa Lampanelli. (1:40)

WELCOME TO THE ROAST OF TWAYNETHE BONERAPER

- THROW ME ON THE SPIT!WHOO!

[laughs]

[cheers and applause]

- TWAYNE, ARE YOU HAPPYTO BE HERE?

- SAY, CALLIE,I MAY BE DUMMY TWAYNE,

BUT TWAYNE'S THE REAL DUMMY.

- THE PUPPET'S TALKINGON ITS OWN!

[laughs]PRICELESS!

[cheers and applause]

- HOW ABOUTA FEW IMPRESSIONS?

BOBBY DE NIRO.

ARE YOU SPEAKING WITH ME,TWAYNE?

THERE'S NO ONE ELSE HERE,SO YOU MUST BE SPEAKING TO ME.

[laughter]

- YOU KNOW YOU'RE A DEMON WHENSOMEONE TELLS YOU TO GO TO HELL

AND YOU'RE ALREADY THERE.

- OH, IT'S FUNNY'CAUSE I DON'T HAVE TO THINK.

- OUR NEXT ROASTERIS THE ANSWER TO THE QUESTION,

"IS THERE ANYTHINGI WON'T [bleep]?"

THE QUEEN OF MEAN,LISA LAMPANELLI, EVERYONE.

[cheers and applause]

- LOOK AT THIS DAIS, HUH?

WE GOT MORE UNKNOWN ORGANISMSUP HERE THAN MY LAST PAP SMEAR.

- [laughs]

- CALLIE MAGGOTBONE'S HERE.

WHAT A BODY ON HER, HUH?

HER BOOBS ARE ABOUT AS NATURALAS LEONARD'S HARD-ON.

- OH, HERE IT COMES.

- LEONARD, HEY,MUST HAVE BEEN

A LONELY 300 YEARSBEFORE VIAGRA.

NO WONDER THEY CALLED ITTHE DARK AGES,

WHICH INCIDENTALLYIS WHAT I CALL MY VER-GINA.

[laughter]

AND FINALLY,THE MAN OF THE HOUR,

TWAYNE THE BONE RAPER.

SERIOUSLY, HAS ANYONEEVER SEEN THIS GUY NAKED?

NOW I KNOWWHY THEY CALL IT A REDWOOD.

[laughter and cheers]

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