Norm Macdonald - Battling Cancer

Season 1 , Ep 101 03/26/11 Views: 35,254

Norm Macdonald's great uncle is locked in a battle against cancer, which consists of watching a lot of "Matlock." (2:04)

Watch Full Episode

MY UNCLE BURT,HE'S MY GREAT-UNCLE,

BUT WE CALL HIM UNCLE BURT.

HE GOT BOWEL CANCER NOW.

HE'S, UH...HE'S DYINGOF IT, YOU KNOW.

AND, UH--

OR LIKE, UH,SOME PEOPLE LIKE TO SAY...

NOW THEY--SEE, IN THE OLD DAYS,

A MAN COULD JUST GET SICKAND DIE, YOU KNOW?

NOW THEY HAVETO WAGE A BATTLE,

[laughs] SO...

SO MY UNCLE BURTIS WAGING A--

A COURAGEOUS BATTLE,

WHICH I HAVE SEEN,'CAUSE I GO AND VISIT HIM,

AND THIS IS THE BATTLE.

HE'S LYINGIN A HOSPITAL BED

WITH A THING IN HIS ARM,WATCHING MATLOCK ON THE TV.

THE STATEOF THAT BATTLE, I--

I GOT HIM THE BOX SETOF MATLOCK, AND...

BUT IT'S NOT HIS FAULT.

WHAT THE [bleep]IS HE SUPPOSED TO DO?

GO, "I GOT YOU!"

IT'S JUST A BLACK THINGIN HIS BOWEL.

AND THE REASONI DON'T LIKE IT IS

'CAUSE IN THE OLD DAYS,THEY'D GO, "HEY!

THAT OLD MAN DIED."

NOW THEY GO, "HEY!

HE--HE LOST HIS BATTLE."

THAT'S NO WAYTO END YOUR LIFE.

YOU KNOW, "WHAT A LOSERTHAT GUY WAS.

LAST THING HE DIDWAS LOSE."

"HE WAS WAGINGA BRAVE BATTLE,

"BUT AT THE END,

"I GUESS HE GOT KIND OF COWARDLYWAS WHAT HAPPENED.

"AND THEN, THE BOWEL CANCER,IT GOT BRAVE.

"YOU GOTTA GIVE ITTO THE BOWEL CANCER.

YOU KNOW, THEY WEREIN A BATTLE, AND THEN--"

WHAT THE [bleep]?

AND I'M PRETTY SURE--I'M NOT A DOCTOR,

BUT I'M PRETTY SUREIF THE CANCER DIES--

I MEAN, IF YOU DIE,THE CANCER ALSO DIES

AT EXACTLYTHE SAME TIME.

SO THAT, TO ME,IS NOT A LOSS.

THAT'S A DRAW.

THAT'S A--YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

IT'S NOT LIKE [bleep]

THE CANCER'S GONNA JUMP UPAND GO,

"AAH, I'M [bleep]UNCLE BURT'S WIFE.

"WHERE IS HE?

"I WON FAIR AND SQUARE.

Loading...