Texts From Last Night - Does Anyone Know Where I Am?

  • Season 1 , Ep 01007
  • 01/15/2014
  • Views: 903

Chris asks the panel to respond to embarrassing drunk text messages. (2:19)

IT IS TIME TO PLAY "TEXTS FROMLAST NIGHT."

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)TEXTS FROM LAST NIGHT IS A WEB

SITE THAT SHOWCASES EMBARRASSINGDRUNK TEXTS BECAUSE SOMEONE HAS

TO DO THE LORD'S WORK!

(LAUGHTER)I'LL READ YOU GUYS TEXTS FROM

LAST NIGHT AND YOU HAVE TORESPOND TO THE TEXT.

IF YOU MAKE MYSELF OR THEAUDIENCE EVEN SNICKER OR GUFFAW

OR PERHAPS UTTER A GIGGLEINVOLUNTARILY I WILL GIVE YOU

250 POINTS.

HERE'S THE FIRST ONE.

HOW DO I CANCEL MY SPOTIFYPREMIUM FOR TWO HOMELESS PEOPLE?

RON FUNCHES?

>> DON'T.

(LAUGHTER)INSTEAD USE THOSE HOMELESS

PEOPLE TO RECREATE CLASSIC MUSICVIDEOS, DOLLAR SIGN, DOLLAR SIGN

DOLLAR SIGN.

(APPLAUSE)SMUP POINTS!

POINTS!

WHAT VIDEO WOULD YOU RECREATE?

>> OH, "BEAT IT MOST LIKELY."

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: ALL RIGHT.

I FEEL LIKE (BLEEP) AND I CAN'TGET BAND AIDS OFF MY NIPPLES.

YES, RON FUNCHES?

>> LOOK, IF YOU JUST WANT TOQUIT MY INTERPRETIVE DANCE GROUP

JUST SAY SO.

>> Chris: POINTS!

POINTS.

HERE'S THE NEXT ONE.

THIS IS A MASS TEXT.

DOES ANYONE KNOW WHERE I AM?

NIKKI GLASER?

>> THE FRONT YARD, MOM, COME INFOR BRUNCH.

(APPLAUSE)>> Chris: BRUNCH.

POINTS, POINTS NIKKI GLASER.

POINTS.

NEXT ONE.

WHEN I CLOSE MY EYES TO (BLEEP)ALL I CAN SEE IS CANDY CRUSH.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)YOU HAVE TO BE DRUNK FOR THAT TO

HAPPEN.

RON FUNCHES.

>> HAPPY FACE, ME, TOO.

JELLY BEAN EMOJI, PENIS EMOJI,VAGINA EMOJI, JELLY BEAN EMOJI,

FOUNTAIN EXPLODING EMOJI.

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)>> Chris: I NEED THIS MOJ JI

PACKAGE YOU HAVE THAT HAS THEGENITALS.

>> TO BE FIR IT'S JUST A PICTUREOF MY ACTUAL PENIS.

(LAUGHTER)>> Chris: YOU KNOW WHAT'S A

FUNNY EMOJI, THAT POOP.

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