RETURN JULY 2014
"Bro, it's a new phone."I go, "Listen, Martin."
I said, "Hey, don't worry.I got you covered, man."
And so I said, "Listen, I'mgonna go get you a new phone."
So we take a nice littletrip to the mall,
and we found an Apple store,and we get to the front,
and there's a girlthere with a clipboard.
And they're always,"How can I help you?"
"Well, we want to see aboutreplacing my friend's phone."
"Did he lose it?"
I go, "No, it's, actually...it got... damaged."
"Well, what's wrongwith the phone?"
I go, "It kind of got wet."
And then she looks at Martin.
"Aw, did someonedrop it in the sink?"
"No, not exactly."
And she's all, "Oh, he droppedit in the toilet?"
I go, "He wishes."
She goes, "Well,we have a few in stock.
"Would you like a black iPhone,
or would you likea white iPhone?"
I said, "Well, you know,Martin and I
have the same color iPhone."
We both have a white one, so Isays, um, just so we don't have
the confusion of always grabbingeach other's phones,
I said, "Martin, would you mindgetting a black iPhone?"
He goes, "Yeah, but, um,does the black iPhone
And I'm like, "What kind ofa question is that?"
Why wouldn't the blackiPhone have Siri, right?
And then I started thinking.
Can you imagine ifa black iPhone
was really a black iPhone?
You know,Martin gets in the car.
Ding, ding. "Siri, what'sthe temperature outside?"
"Why don't you stickyour head out the window?"
(audience laughs, applause)
"Siri, talk dirty to me."
"You better not pee on me."
"Okay? I ain't likethat white iPhone."