Dwayne Perkins - Dating Rules

  • Season 1 , Ep 9
  • 01/11/2011
  • Views: 10,703

The problem with dating is that no one is honest with themselves about their appearance. (1:52)

(Dwayne Perkins)HERE'S THE PROBLEMWITH DATING.

WE'RE NOT HONEST, RIGHT?

NO ONE'S--NO ONE LOOKSIN THE MIRROR AND TAKES

A TRUE ASSESSMENT OFWHAT'S REALLY GOING ON.

ESPECIALLY GUYS, RIGHT?

NO GUY LOOKS IN THEMIRROR, AND IS LIKE,

HEY, YOU KNOW, THIS IS ME.

THIS IS WHAT I GOT.

I GOT BAD POSTURE.

I GOT HALITOSIS.

THIS IS ME.

I GUESS I SHOULDBE WITH HER.

NO, 'CAUSE EVERY GUY IN HISMIND THINKS HE CAN BE WITH...

HERRRRR!

SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?

AND, LADIES, YOU KNOWWHO YOU SHOULD BE WITH.

DON'T LAUGH, YOU KNOW HIM.

HIM, THAT GUY, YOU KNOW?

THE ONE THAT SAYS, "PULLMY FINGER" ALL THE TIME.

THAT'S THE ONE YOUSHOULD BE WITH.

BUT YOU DON'T WANT TOBE WITH HIM, RIGHT?

YOU WANT TO BE WITH A GUYWHO SPEAKS THREE LANGUAGES,

COOKS, GOESHORSEBACK RIDING,

DOES VOLUNTEER WORKON THE WEEKENDS...

AND THAT'S THE PROBLEM.

EVERYBODY IN THE WORLDIS CHASING AFTER THESAME THREE PEOPLE.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN--IT'S REAL CONFUSING.

IT'S LIKE, HUH, WHAT?

I THINK THE GOVERNMENTSHOULD STEP IN.

WE NEED ANOTHER BRANCHOF THE GOVERNMENT.

THEIR JOB WOULD BE TOGIVE YOU YOUR NUMBER.

SCALE OF ONE TO TEN.

YOU GO IN EVERY YEAR,FILL OUT A LITTLEBUBBLE SHEET, RIGHT?

BI DA BA DA BOOP!

THEY RUN IT THROUGHTHE COMPUTER, RIGHT?

YOU GET YOUR NUMBER.

LET'S SAY YOU'REA SEVEN...

BUT YOU'RE A"CERTIFIED SEVEN".

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING,YOU KNOW YOU'RE A SEVEN.

YOU GOT AGOVERNMENT-ISSUED CARD.

LIKE, LADIES, YOUHAVE TO RUN TO THESTORE TO GET SOME EGGS.

YOU DON'T HAVE TIMETO DO YOUR HAIR,YOUR MAKEUP, WHATEVER.

YOU BUMP INTO AFRIEND, RIGHT?

YOU'LL BE LIKE,HEY--NO, NO.

LOOK, I'M A SEVEN.

I JUST HAD TO GO TO THESTORE TO GET SOME EGGS,

BUT CLEARLY I AM A SEVEN.

I'M JUST PICKING UPSOME EGGS, BUT SEE,

I'M A SEVEN, RIGHT?

NOW THERE'S RULES AS ASEVEN, WELL, MAKE IT EASY.

AS A SEVEN, YOU CANAPPROACH ANYONE BETWEENA SIX AND AN EIGHT.

THAT'S YOUR RANGE,YOU UNDERSTAND?

YOU DON'T TALK TO A NINE.

YOU'RE NOT AUTHORIZEDTO TALK TO A NINE...

DON'T LET US CATCH YOU.

WE WILL BEAT YOU IF YOUTALK TO A NINE, RIGHT?

NOW YOU CANTALK TO A FIVE

AND YOU CAN HAVE A LITTLEATTITUDE ABOUT IT.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

YOU KNOW, YOU'LL BE LIKE,

PSSHHH... I'M A SEVEN,I'M DOING YOU A FAVOR.

AND-AND YOU CAN PUNCHA TWO IN THE HEAD,

YA KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

SO IT'S A GOOD SYSTEM,WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT.

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