Anthony Jeselnik - Trying New Things

Anthony Jeselnik: Caligula Season 1, Ep 1 01/13/2013 Views: 49,219

One night in bed, Anthony Jeselnik's girlfriend makes an odd request that opens up his world. (2:09)

Watch Full Episode

you know?

Like, how long have you guysbeen together right here?

-MAN: Three years.-Three years, okay.

What would you sayis, like, the secret

to a good, long relationship?


Communication. Wrong.

[ Laughter ]

The secretis trying new things together,

especially in the bedroom.

The other night, my girlfriendand I are in bed together.

She says, "Anthony,I want you to pee on me."

Now, I have never thought about

peeing on a womanin my entire life.

Never even imagined it before.

But then I got the green light.

And, apparently, it's my thing.

[ Laughter ]

Like, I justjumped up right away, you know?

But as soon as that begins,she starts screaming at me.

Like it's my faultshe talks in her sleep.

[ Laughter ]

[ Applause ]

No big deal for me.

My girlfriend yells at meall the time.

She yells at me all the time.

And, again,I'm a gentleman, you know?

I never think it's okay to yellback at a woman, no matter what.

I mean, you saw how I handledthat [bleep] right?

[ Laughter ]

I never think it's okayto yell back at a woman.

But the other night, she yelledat me for so long and so loud

that the cops came to the door,

which is embarrassing,

because now I've got to answermy own door

and say,"Officers, I'm so sorry.

There is no reasonfor you to be here tonight.

I already tased her."