I went 'cause I'd never been.I was excited.
It was during rush week.
I wanted to see some rush,some hazing.
I saw some, and it was lame.I was disappointed.
All they did was makethe pledges drink, that's it.
They would randomly be, like,"Pledges, drink up!"
And all these guyswere drinking.
I was, like, "That's it?
"That's all you're gonna do?
"You don't want to see whatthey're willing to go through
to be frat brothers?"
God, that made me wishI was a frat boy so bad.
Just to be that eccentricone who only comes out
of his room during rush week.
Only comes outto (bleep) for their heads.
You know, like, "All right,pledges, line up! Line up!
"Y'all want to beSigma Nigma Nu?!
"Y'all wantto be Sigma Nigma Nu?!
"Let's see if you gotwhat it takes!
"You, here's a case of warmbeer. You know the drill.
"You, dip your scrotumin this fishbowl
"full of angry scorpions.
"You... count to 40 out loud.
"You... go out back--there's a kiddy pool
"full of heroin-addict piss.Bathe in it.
"You... e-mailyour favorite cousin.
"Just say hi.
"You... force your grandmother
"to watch this bukakke filmwith you
"on Easter Sunday whilst you eatCadbury eggs together.
"You... take a nap right now.
"Power nap, bitch, no pillow.
"You... siphon-startthat sumo wrestler's enema.
"You... just hang out.You're cool.
"Sigma Nigma Nu Nu!Sigma Nigma Nu Nu!
"Sigma Nigma Nu Nu!
(hysterical voice):"Nu Nu, Nu-Nu-Nu!
"A Sigma Nigma Nu Nu!Nu-Nu-Nu-Nu.
"A Sigma Nigma Nu Nu!A Nu Nu! A Nu Nu!
"A Sigma Nigma Nu Nu baby!(giggles)
"A Sigma Nigma Nu Nu baby!
"A boy? A SigmaNigma Nu Ni boy?
"A Sigma Nu Ni boy?
(normal voice): "A man!A Sigma Nigma Nu Nu man!
"A Sigma Nigma Nu Nuniresponsibility,
"That's the handshake, pledge!
"Only one of you made it,obviously.
"The guy who drank. He's in.
The rest of you are weird."