Burn Noticed

September 22, 2014 - Jenny Nordberg 09/22/2014 Views: 1,501,666

The historic People's Climate March takes place in New York City while a House of Representatives committee struggles with the basic principles of global warming. (10:25)

>> Jon: WELCOME TO "THE DAILYSHOW"!

MY NAME IS JON STEWART! GOODSHOW!

MY GUEST TONIGHT, AUTHOR JENNYNORDBERG, SHE IS THE AUTHOR OF A

BOOK CALLED "THE UNDERGROUNDGIRLS OF KABUL."

SHE WILL BE JOINING US A LITTLEBIT LATER.

BUT FIRST, NEW YORK CITY HOSTEDTHE BIGGEST CLIMATE CHANGE MARCH

IN HISTORY YESTERDAYFEATURING THE BIGGEST HAT

AND THE BIGGEST SIGN ANDTHE BIGGEST KINDEST

PUPPET LIBRARIAN AND THEBIGGEST PAIN IN THE ASS

TO GET ACROSS THE STREETJUST TO GET TO CHIPOTLE.

>> THERE WERE BOLD FACED NAMES.

FORMER VICE PRESIDENT AL GORE,MAYOR BILL DeBLASIO, AND U.N.

SECRETARY GENERAL BAN KI-MOON.

>> Jon: WHOA! WHOA!

STOP THE PARADE!

BAN KI-MOON?

THE BIGGEST CLIMATE CHANGE INHISTORY.

WHAT DID YOU COME STRAIGHT FROMYOUR AUDITION FROM

"YOU'RE A GOOD MAN,CHARLIE BROWN"?

LOOK AT YOU! YOU'RE WEARING YOURCAMP CLOTHES?

YOU'RE BAN KI-MOON! YOU'RE THEHEAD OF THE U.N.

BY THE WAY, WHAT A GET FOR

U.N. RADIO.

U.N. RADIO GETTING BAN KI-MOON.

NO, NO, I CAN'T TALK TO YOU.

OH! HELLO.

(LAUGHTER)OF COURSE, POLITICIAN WEREN'T

THE ONLY BIG SHOTS ON HAND.THERE WERE A-LIST MOVIE

STARS LIKE MARKRUFFALO AND EDWARD NORTON, BOTH

HAVE BECOME ACUTELY AWARE OFENVIRONMENTAL DANGERS SINCE

THEIR ENCOUNTERS WITH GAMMARADIATION. THEY REALLY HAD...

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: WITH THAT SIZE IN STARPOWER, YOU KNOW CABLE NEWS GAVE

IT EVERYTHING THEY HAVE.

>> ALISON KOSIK IS IN NEWYORK. DESCRIBE THE SCENE FOR US

EARLIER. >> EARLIER?

IT'S ACTUALLY HAPPENING AS WESPEAK.

(LAUGHTER)>> Jon: PERHAPS IT'S HAPPENING

RIGHT NOW.

PERHAPS YOU CAN TELL BY THE FACTTHAT NOBODY CAN SEE ME IN MY OWN

NEWS REPORT.

COME ON, CNN!

THIS IS CROWD FOOTAGE 101!

YOU PUT THE REPORTER IN FRONT OFTHE CROWD!

MSNBC, SHOW THEM HOW IT'S DONE.

>> LET'S HEAD THERE NOW. WE HAVENED RESNIKOFF WHO'S STAND BY --

>> Jon: [BLEEP]! OH, JESUS!

NOT THAT FAR!

COME ON!

(LAUGHTER)KILL THE FEED!

GOT A GIANT METEOR APPROACHINGTHE PARADE!

AHHH! (LAUGHTER)

WITH YESTERDAY'S SOUP IN HISSTASH!

(LAUGHTER)

ALL RIGHT, NOW YOU MAY BETHINKING, DO WE REALLY NEED A

MARCH TO RAISE AWARENESS ABOUTGLOBAL CLIMATE CHANGE?

I MEAN, IT'S AN ACCEPTEDSCIENTIFIC PHENOMENON PRETTY

MUCH EVERYWHERE.

HERE'S WHY YOU NEED THE MARCH.

IT'S ACCEPTED PRETTY MUCHEVERYWHERE BUT THIS ONE PLACE

CALLED THE UNITED STATES HOUSEOF REPRESENTATIVES COMMITTEE ON

SCIENCE, SPACE AND TECHNOLOGY.

THIS IS TRUE.

LAST WEEK THEY HELD A HEARINGTHAT THEY APPARENTLY RECORDED IN

1971 --(LAUGHTER)

I GUESS THAT'S THE TECHNOLOGYPART OF THE COMMITTEE NAME -- ON

PRESIDENT OBAMA'S PLAN TO SHRINKCARBON EMISSIONS 30% BY 2030.

THE HEARINGS' SISYPHUS,PRESIDENTIAL SCIENCE ADVISOR

JOHN HOLDREN, CHARGEDWITH THE IMPOSSIBLE TASK OF

PUSHING 1 MILLION POUNDSOF IDIOT UP A MOUNTAIN.

OF COURSE, LIKE ANY AVALANCHE,IT DID BEGAN RATHER INNOCUOUSLY.

TEXAS REPUBLICAN STEVE STOCKMAN.

>> THE LEAD SCIENTIST AT NASASAID THIS, HE SAID WHAT ENDED

THE ICE AGE WAS GLOBAL WOBBLING.

IS THE WOBBLING OF THE EARTHINCLUDED IN ANY OF YOUR

MODELINGS?

AND THE ANSWER WAS NO.

WHEN YOU HAVE A MODEL AND YOUSAY WE'LL LEAVE OUT THE MOST

IMPORTANT IMPACT OF THAT MODELOUT OF OUR THEORY AND NOT TALK

ABOUT GLOBAL WOBBLING, HOW CANYOU MAKE PROJECTIONS?

(LAUGHTER)>> Jon: WHAT'S UP, SCIENTISTS?

GLOBAL WOBBLING, BITCHES!

(LAUGHTER)HE SEES YOUR SO-CALLED GLOBAL

WARMING AND RAISES YOU AGLOBAL WOBBLING.

EXPLAIN THAT DR. WHITE HOUSE.

>> GLOBAL WOBBLING WHICH REFERSTO CHANGES IN THE EARTH'S

TILT AND ORBIT TAKES PLACE ONCHARACTERISTIC TIME SCALES OF

22,000 YEARS, 44,000 YEARS AND100,000 YEARS. IT IS VERY SLOW.

GLOBAL WOBBLES IS A TINY EFFECTOF THE TIME SCALE OF 100 YEARS

IN WHICH WE TRY TO RUN THESEMODELS.

>> Jon: I DIDN'T KNOW WE WOULDBE TALKING TO AN ACTUAL

SCIENTIST...

(WHISPERING)ALL RIGHT, HOLDREN, YOU ACED

THE WOBBLE WARMING.

RIDDLE ME THIS:

>> AT WHAT POINT A LEVEL OF CO2DOES CO2 BECOME DAMAGING?

AT WHAT LEVEL DOES IT BECOMEHARMFUL TO HUMAN BEINGS?

>> Jon: BOOM! HOW CAN CO2 BEDANGEROUS WHEN I CAN STILL

BREATHE?

>> VICE CHAIRMAN ROHRABACHER, IALWAYS ENJOY MY INTERACTIONS

WITH YOU.

>> Jon: MUCH THE WAY ONEENJOYS PLAYING PEEK A BOO WITH A

BABY.(LAUGHTER)

>> Jon: OR PERHAPS TEASING ACAT WITH A LASER POINTER!

(LAUGHTER)>> I HAVE TO SAY WITH RESPECT

THAT'S A RED HERRING.

WE ARE NOT INTERESTED IN CARBONDIOXIDE CONCENTRATIONS BECAUSE

OF THEIR DIRECT EFFECT ON HUMANHEALTH, WE'RE INTERESTED IN THEM

BECAUSE OF THEIR EFFECT ON THEWORLD'S CLIMATE AND CLIMATE

CHANGE HAS DISASTEROUS EFFECTSON HEALTH.

>> Jon: WHY CAN WE STILLBREATHE?

THAT'S WHAT I'M ASKING! I MEAN,YOU CAN HEAR ME RIGHT?

I'M BREATHING!

AND IT GOT MORE AMAZING AS ITWENT.

INDIANA'S LARRY BUSCHON.

>> IT'S NOT ABOUT AFFECTING THEGLOBAL TEMPERATURE AND CLIMATE

CHANGE.

>> THERE IS PUBLIC COMMENTS OUTTHERE THAT QUESTION HAS BEEN

ASKED AND ANSWERED SAYING NO.

>> YOU SHOULD LOOK AT THESCIENTIFIC LITERATURE RATHER

THAN THE PUBLIC COMMENTS.

(LAUGHTER)(APPLAUSE)

>> Jon: WITH ALL DUERESPECT, REPRESENTATIVE

BUSCHON, I SUGGEST YOU GET THEJOURNAL OF APPLIED

METEOROLOGY AND CLIMATOLOGY AS

OPPOSED TO THE YOU TUBECOMMENT FEED OF OBUMMERLIES1776.

BUT HERE'S WHERE BUSCHON FINALLYGIVES AWAY THE GAME.

>> OF ALL THE CLIMATOLOGISTSWHOSE CAREER DEPENDS ON THE

CLIMATE CHANGING TO KEEPTHEMSELVES PUBLISHING ARTICLES,

YES, I COULD READ THAT BUT IDO NOT BELIEVE IT.

>> Jon: I DO NOT BELIEVE THESCIENTISTS BECAUSE IT IS THEIR

PROFESSION NOT THEIR HOBBY.(LAUGHTER)

WELL SINCE WE'RE TALKING ABOUTTHE INFLUENCE MONEY MIGHT HAVE

ON CLIMATE CHANGE OPINION,IT TURNS OUT REPRESENTATIVE

BUSCHON'S THREE BIGGEST CAMPAIGNDONORS ARE MURRAY ENERGY,

KOCH ENTERPRISES, AND PEABODYENERGY. AND TRUST ME.

(AUDIENCE REACTS)TRUST ME, THOSE THREE WELL

FUNDED COMPANIES WOULDLOVE TO DISPROVE CLIMATE CHANGE.

TO THE SATISFACTION OFTHE SCIENTIFIC COMMUNITY AT

LARGE. SO IF SCIENTISTS COULD BEBOUGHT THESE MOTHER [BLEEP]

WOULD HAVE ALREADY MADE IT RAININ NERD TOWN. TRUST ME.

AND AGAIN, I CAN'T STRESS THISENOUGH.

THIS IS THE HOUSE OFREPRESENTATIVES COMMITTEE ON

SCIENCE, SPACE AND TECHNOLOGY.

>> HOW LONG WILL IT TAKE FOR THESEA LEVEL TO RISE TWO FEET?

I MEAN, THINK ABOUT IT, IF YOURICE CUBE MELTS IN YOUR GLASS, IT

DOESN'T OVERFLOW,IT'S DISPLACEMENT. I MEAN,

THESE ARE SOME OF THE THINGSTHEY'RE TALKING ABOUT THAT

MATHEMATICALLY ANDSCIENTIFICALLY DON'T MAKE SENSE.

>> Jon: ARE YOU [BLEEP] KIDDINGME?

ARE YOU [BLEEP] KIDDING ME?

I DON'T EVEN KNOW --(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)

I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT TO DOWITH THAT!

HOW FAR BACK TO THE ELEMENTARYSCHOOL CORE CURRICULUM DO WE

HAVE TO GO TO GET SOMEONE ON THEHOUSE COMMITTEE ON SCIENCE,

SPACE AND TECHNOLOGY CAUGHT UP?

DO WE HAVE TO BRING OUT THEPAPIER MACHE AND BAKING SODA SO

YOU CAN MAKE A (BLEEP) VOLCANO?IS THAT WHAT WE HAVE TO DO?

IS THAT HOW BASIC THE SCIENCECLASS WAS WHEN YOU WENT?

NAH, I DON'T NEED TO KNOWTHIS ANYMORE. FOR GOD'S SAKES!

LOOK, HERE -- HERE, LOOK.

HERE'S A GLASS OF ICE WATER.

HEY, THAT ICE ISN'T MAKING THEWATER OVERFLOW BECAUSE IT'S

ALREADY IN THE WATER!

BUT IMAGINE THERE'S A WHOLEBUNCH OF OTHER ICE THAT'S NOT IN

THE WATER, IT'S ON THE LAND --YOU KNOW, THE PART WHERE THE

WATER ISN'T!

AND THEN WHEN TEMPERATURES RISEAND THE LAND ICE MELTS ENOUGH,

TO FALL IN, OH, (BLEEP)!

IT'S EVERYWHERE!

IT'S EVERYWHERE!

DO YOU UNDERSTAND?

(CHEERS AND APPLAUSE)WAIT A MINUTE.

GLOBAL WARMING, GIANT TOWELS.

(LAUGHTER)ULTIMATELY, THE WHOLE INCREDIBLE

AND BY ALL AAPPEARANCES WILLFULMISUNDERSTANDING OF HOW

THE SCIENTIFIC METHOD HAS BEENAPPLIED TO CLIMATE CHANGE MODELS

AND WHAT THE EFFECTS OFWARMING CAN BE, PARDON THE

PUN, BOILED DOWNTO THIS EXCHANGE.

>> THAT SCARE TACTICS LIKE THAT,YOU KNOW, IS REALLY APPALLING TO

ME TO USE MEDICAL INFORMATION TOSCARE PARENTS THAT THEIR

CHILDREN ABOUT ASTHMA ATTACKSAND SCARE PEOPLE SAYING THAT

THEY WERE GOING TO HAVEHEART ATTACKS.

I ARGUE THAT WE SHOULD ALL ONBOTH SIDES OF THIS DISCUSSION

AVOID SCARE TACTICS.

>> Jon: FIRST OF ALL, THEREAREN'T BOTH SIDES TO THE

DISCUSSION. WHAT HE'SBASICALLY SAYING IS

IT'S UNFAIR TO TALK TO USABOUT THE SCIENTIFIC

AND MEDICAL CONSEQUENCES OF OURACTIONS BECAUSE THEY'RE SCARY

AND WE REALLY DON'T FEEL LIKEDOING ANYTHING ABOUT IT ANYWAY

SO FROM NOW ON WHY NOT AGREETHAT SCIENCE AND THE OIL

INDUSTRY BOTH HAVE OPINIONS.

OH, AND BEFORE YOU TELL YOURKIDS TO WASH THEIR HANDS AFTER

THEY TAKE A (BLEEP) SO THEYDON'T SPREAD DISEASE, MAYBE WE

SHOULD SPEND AN EQUAL AMOUNT OFTIME HEARING FROM BIG FECAL.

WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK.