The Colbert Report

Formidable Opponent - Don't Ask, Don't Tell

Season 5 • 06/09/2009

Stephen and Stephen are a cohesive military unit because Stephen doesn't know he's gay.

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04:26

Stephen Strong - Army of Me - Basic Training Pt. 1
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen doesn't get any special treatment when he participates in 10 full hours of basic training.
06/08/2009
00:24

Sign Off - New Haircut
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen offers thanks to the U.S.O. for helping him get to Iraq and to General Ray Odierno for his new haircut.
06/08/2009
02:45

Operation Iraqi Stephen - Mysterious Trip
The Colbert ReportS5

It's not a hoax after all -- Stephen mysteriously makes his way to Baghdad, Iraq.
06/08/2009
04:12

The Word - Why Are You Here?
The Colbert ReportS5

You will all want to remember where you were when you heard Stephen declare victory in Iraq.
06/08/2009
05:15

Obama Orders Stephen's Haircut - Ray Odierno
The Colbert ReportS5

Under direct orders from Commander-in-Chief Barack Obama, General Ray Odierno shaves Stephen's head.
06/08/2009
02:36

Operation Iraqi Stephen - S.H.
The Colbert ReportS5

The initials carved into the ceiling and pillars of the Water Palace shouldn't stand for Saddam Hussein anymore.
06/09/2009
05:29

Tareq Salha & Robin Balcom
The Colbert ReportS5

Specialist Tareq Salha and Sgt. Robin Balcom don't look anything like the soldiers from WWII movies.
06/09/2009
05:15

Stephen Strong - Army of Me - Basic Training Pt. 2
The Colbert ReportS5

As much as Stephen doesn't want to admit it, it's time for him to graduate from basic training.
06/09/2009
02:19

Operation Iraqi Stephen - Bill Clinton & AMP Energy
The Colbert ReportS5

Bill Clinton works tirelessly to find a cure for Stephen Colbert, and the back of Stephen's head sells ad space for AMP Energy.
06/09/2009
00:17

Sign Off - Hi, Stephen's Mom
The Colbert ReportS5

The troops say hello to their special ladies.
06/09/2009
04:52

Formidable Opponent - Don't Ask, Don't Tell
The Colbert ReportS5

George H.W. Bush remembers the stars of WWII, and Stephen stresses the importance of the "don't ask, don't tell" policy to Stephen.
06/09/2009
05:30

Lt. Gen. Charles H. Jacoby Jr.
The Colbert ReportS5

Sarah Palin asks the troops to say hi to her son, Track, and Commanding General Charles H. Jacoby Jr. chooses his favorite soldier out of the 130,000.
06/10/2009
07:02

Operation Iraqi Stephen - Tom Hanks Care Package
The Colbert ReportS5

Joe Biden requests a favor, and Tom Hanks and Stephen figure out a way to ship puppies and ice cream to the troops.
06/10/2009
00:05

Sign Off - Head Rub
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen gets a head rub from a soldier in the audience.
06/10/2009
01:19

Admiral Crunch
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen identifies with strong military role models because he eats a lot of Admiral Crunch.
06/10/2009
05:46

Better Know a Cradle of Civilization - Barham Saleh
The Colbert ReportS5

Deputy Prime Minister Barham Saleh explains how his PhD in oceanography helps him with politics in Iraq.
06/10/2009
00:51

Operation Iraqi Stephen - Stephen's Spider Hole
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen demanded a room as good as the one Saddam had, so they gave him his own spider hole.
06/10/2009
03:47

Operation Iraqi Stephen - Tip/Wag - Jim Webb, Home Lasers & KBR
The Colbert ReportS5

Jim Webb's Marine background makes it difficult thank the Army, while Stephen tips his hat to a wrinkle-blasting laser and the contractors who built his set.
06/11/2009
03:05

Operation Iraqi Stephen - Golf Club & George W. Bush's Greeting
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen pays homage to Bob Hope, and George W. Bush praises the troops for their courage and endurance.
06/11/2009
06:37

Operation Iraqi Stephen - Frank A. Grippe
The Colbert ReportS5

Command Sergeant Major Frank A. Grippe orders his NCOs to do the "Hokey Pokey" and sing the Army song.
06/11/2009
00:59

Operation Iraqi Stephen - Sign Off - Honey, I'm Coming Home
The Colbert ReportS5

Stephen thanks his staff and says what he hopes all the troops can say soon: "Honey, I'm coming home."
06/11/2009
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