California,the blow-me state, uh,
recently passeda spate of new laws,
and boy, howdy,are they enforceable.
For instance,you are no longer allowed
to hold your cell phonewhile driving.
Uh, that is really goingto cut into
my carpool lane masturbation,but, hey...
-(laughter) -...the lifeit saves may be your own.
Also, California Uber driversare no longer allowed
to be sex offenders or drunk.Oh...
That's a good rule.
-Way to stay ahead of the curve.-(laughter)
Comedians, as California goes,so does the nation,
and we are a nation of laws.
What are some new lawsyou'd like to see passed
in other states?
Uh, in Florida, it is now legal
to fight with your shirt offand (bleep) with your shirt on.
-HARDWICK: All right.-(laughter)
(applause and cheering)
Nothing wrong witha Florida shirt-cocking.
There's nothing wrong with that.Kyle Kinane.
Uh, in Massachusetts,
if you can make it througha Dropkick Murphys concert
without starting a fistfight,
you can skipa child support payment.
-(applause and cheering)-HARDWICK: Oh. Finally.
Alaska, go aheadand (bleep) a moose.
We know you're doing it anyway.