Rene Hicks - Spotted Dick

  • Season 4 , Ep 3
  • 12/17/2000
  • Views: 3,304

That, my friends, is a lot of dick. (2:10)

TIME.

PEOPLE IN ENGLAND TALK FUNNY,

AND NOT JUST THAT ACCENT.

BECAUSE THEY SAY THINGS THAT WE

SAY, BUT THEY DON'T MEAN THE

SAME THINGS AS WE MEAN WHEN WE

SAY IT.

LIKE I'M GOING OFF TO MY HOTEL

ROOM.

THE DESK CLERK GOES, "LOVE, WHAT

TIME IN THE MORNING WOULD YOU

LIKE FOR ME TO KNOCK YOU UP?"

(LAUGHTER)

"EXCUSE ME?

I HARDLY KNOW YOU.

(LAUGHTER)

AND I DON'T RECALL READING THAT

SERVICE IN THE TRAVEL BROCHURE."

I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND IN ENGLAND

"KNOCK YOU UP" MEANS "WAKE YOU

UP."

AND THEN A WOMAN SAYS TO ME,

"EXCUSE ME, BUT DO YOU HAVE A

RUBBER I CAN BORROW?

I PROMISE TO BRING IT BACK."

(LAUGHTER)

WHAT KIND OF FREAKS LIVE HERE?

I'M LIKE, "I DON'T HAVE ONE,

BUT IF I DID, YOU COULD KEEP IT.

I KNOW ENGLAND'S INTO RECYCLING,

BUT THAT IS RIDICULOUS."

(LAUGHTER)

I DIDN'T UNDERSTAND THAT A

RUBBER IN ENGLAND IS AN ERASER.

THE MOST EMBARRASSING MOMENT WAS

WHEN I GOT THIS DESSERT MENU

HANDED TO ME, AND I OPEN IT TO

FIND SOMETHING CALLED "GREAT BIG

SPOTTED DICK."

(LAUGHTER)

THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS, SIR.

RIGHT THERE.

YEAH.

JUST READING IT KIND OF MAKES

YOU FEEL GAY, DON'T IT?

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

YEAH.

HUH?

YEAH.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

YEAH.

YEAH.

AND, OF COURSE, IF YOU ARE GAY,

IT JUST MAKES YOU FEEL HUNGRY.

OKAY?

(LAUGHTER)

ANYWAY, I WAS JUST...

IT ACTUALLY SAYS--

CHECK THIS OUT-- "LOADS FOR

TWO.

ENOUGH FOR 3 OR 4 TO SHARE."

NOW, THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS A LOT

OF DICK.

(LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE)

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