Nick Griffin - Women

  • Season 12, Ep 17
  • 01/11/2008
  • Views: 5,839

I've had every conceivable experience you can have with a woman and learned nothing. (2:44)

I'VE BEEN AN ADULTFOR OVER 20 YEARS.

I'VE HAD EVERYCONCEIVABLE EXPERIENCE

YOU CAN HAVE WITH A WOMAN,AND I'VE LEARNED

NOTHING ABOUT THEM.NOTHING!

THERE'S BEEN NO CARRY OVERFROM WOMAN TO WOMAN.

NONE OF MY CREDITS TRANSFER!

I STILL CAN'T ANSWERTHEIR SIMPLEST QUESTIONS.

"WHAT ARE YOU THINKIN' ABOUT?"

OH, I DON'T KNOW. I DON'T.

I CAN GIVE YOU A LISTOF THE PEOPLE I HATE.

[LAUGHTER]

WHY DO YOU WANT TO KNOW WHATWE'RE THINKIN', LADIES, WHY?

YOU THINK WE'RE HIDING SOMEGREAT LITTLE ROMANTIC NUGGET

WE JUST HAVEN'TTOSSED OUT YET?

"OH, OH, WHAT WASI THINKIN' ABOUT, HONEY?

"I WAS THINKING ABOUT US!COURSE-- I WAS PICTURIN' US

"WALKING HAND IN HANDDOWN THE PARIS STREETS.

"WE'RE EATIN' WARMCHOCOLATE CROISSANTS,

"SIPPIN' A CAPPUCCINO.SNOWFLAKES START TO FALL.

"I PULL YOU CLOSE,GIVE YA A KISS.

"THEN IT'S BACK TO THEFOUR STAR HOTEL FOR A FOOT RUB

TILL YOU FALL ASLEEP."

BUT THAT'S NOTWHAT'S GOING ON UP HERE.

NO, YOU KNOW WHAT'SGOING ON UP HERE? PORNOGRAPHY!

- YEAH!- [CHEERS, WHISTLES & APPLAUSE]

CONSTANT.CONSTANT SEXUAL ACTIVITY

WITH EVERY WOMAN I'VE EVER SEEN,HEARD OF, THOUGHT ABOUT.

I DO A MR. POTATO HEAD THINGWHERE I MIX AND MATCH 'EM ALL.

YEAH, THEY'RE IN A BIG PILE,KISSIN', SPANKIN' EACH OTHER.

THERE'S THINGS GOING IN HOLES,IT'S STICKY, IT'S DARK.

IT'S DISGUSTING.IT'S HORRIBLE!

THAT'S WHY MEN FREAK OUT WHENTHEY START TO LOSE THEIR HAIR.

"OH MY GOD, WILL PEOPLEBE ABLE TO SEE IN?"

[LAUGHTER, CHEERS,WHISTLES AND APPLAUSE]

AND THE WORST PART ISI CAN'T DO ANYTHING ABOUT

THE UGLY THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD.I CAN'T CONTROL THEM.

THEY JUST APPEAR.I CAN MAKE SUGGESTIONS.

"WHY NOT A LOVELY SUNSETOVER A MOUNTAINTOP?"

AND YOU KNOW WHAT,FOR A SECOND THERE

IS A SUNSETOVER A MOUNTAINTOP.

AND THEN TWO HOOKERS SHOW UP,AND THEY START DRY-HUMPIN'

THE MOUNTAINTOPAND SUCKIN' IT, AND--

THANK YOU VERY MUCH,THAT'S ALL FOR ME.

CAPTIONING MADE POSSIBLE BY COMEDY CENTRAL.

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